We were planning to just cross our fingers that Laura wouldn't roll out of her bed in the Bahamas. But we found a bolster on each bed on arrival, I thought of the noodles, and gave it a try. Laura has a cozy nest, and we're all sleeping soundly!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Use Your Noodle
Have you seen the thing on Pinterest where you use a pool noodle to keep your kid from falling out of bed? Well, it works. Excuse the *worst* picture ever:
We were planning to just cross our fingers that Laura wouldn't roll out of her bed in the Bahamas. But we found a bolster on each bed on arrival, I thought of the noodles, and gave it a try. Laura has a cozy nest, and we're all sleeping soundly!
We were planning to just cross our fingers that Laura wouldn't roll out of her bed in the Bahamas. But we found a bolster on each bed on arrival, I thought of the noodles, and gave it a try. Laura has a cozy nest, and we're all sleeping soundly!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Every Postpartum is Different
I have often heard "Every pregnancy is different," and "Every child is different." I was expecting to have a different pregnancy experience with my second child - after all, I had a toddler to look after while growing another human. Of course it would be different. And I could never imagine having two children with identical personalities - of course my son would be his own person, so very different from his sister! But what I had never heard - and could not expect - was that every postpartum experience is so very different, too.
Laura was not quite four months old in May 2010 when I admitted to myself that I was struggling with postpartum depression. I had been suspicious for a while that perhaps maybe I was having trouble adjusting. It was so easy to brush off my feelings and say "oh it was just one bad night," or "I will feel better when I go back to work." But I had more bad nights than good. I didn't feel better at work. I was angry all the time. I hated everyone.
During my pregnancy with Gavin , I worried some that I would suffer from PPD again. I prepared myself for the worst, ready to call my doctor at the smallest sign that I was suffering. I haven't had to make that call. Gavin is now four and a half months old - the same age as Laura when I started counseling - and I couldn't be feeling more differently. . Sure, I still have the occasional bad night. But the good nights far outweigh the bad. I don't catch myself muttering "I HATE YOU" under my breath while walking past my husband or certain coworkers. I don't see red through seething anger when something tiny goes awry. I am far more patient in general - but specifically with Laura and Gavin - than I have ever been.
I recently found out that for whatever reason, Gavin had not been added to our health insurance policy. If this had happened after Laura's birth, I would have flown into a seething rage, yelling and screaming and crying and freaking out over the $1,100 pediatric bill. I would have shouted into the phone, nearly broken the receiver while slamming it onto the cradle to hang up in rage. Instead, I choked out a small sob, took a breath, and then calmly asked the insurance representative if the problem could be fixed and did I have to call my HR rep, or would she? I was panicked and upset, but still able to function as a normal human being. The insurance rep could not have been kinder or easier to work with - she took care of everything and called me the next day to confirm that Gavin had been added to the policy. I took care of the problem without anger, hate, or tantrums.
I share this story to show just how different I am this time. I suffered from PPD and came out on the other side a better mother. I feel a stabbing guilt sometimes, for the months of happiness I lost following Laura's birth. I spent a lifetime trying to place blame someone or something for my PPD. But I'm over that. There is nothing to blame, really. I still have some bad days - but doesn't everyone? My bad days don't define me. I am a mother of two, and I am a PPD survivor.
Pouring my heart out
Laura was not quite four months old in May 2010 when I admitted to myself that I was struggling with postpartum depression. I had been suspicious for a while that perhaps maybe I was having trouble adjusting. It was so easy to brush off my feelings and say "oh it was just one bad night," or "I will feel better when I go back to work." But I had more bad nights than good. I didn't feel better at work. I was angry all the time. I hated everyone.
During my pregnancy with Gavin , I worried some that I would suffer from PPD again. I prepared myself for the worst, ready to call my doctor at the smallest sign that I was suffering. I haven't had to make that call. Gavin is now four and a half months old - the same age as Laura when I started counseling - and I couldn't be feeling more differently. . Sure, I still have the occasional bad night. But the good nights far outweigh the bad. I don't catch myself muttering "I HATE YOU" under my breath while walking past my husband or certain coworkers. I don't see red through seething anger when something tiny goes awry. I am far more patient in general - but specifically with Laura and Gavin - than I have ever been.
I recently found out that for whatever reason, Gavin had not been added to our health insurance policy. If this had happened after Laura's birth, I would have flown into a seething rage, yelling and screaming and crying and freaking out over the $1,100 pediatric bill. I would have shouted into the phone, nearly broken the receiver while slamming it onto the cradle to hang up in rage. Instead, I choked out a small sob, took a breath, and then calmly asked the insurance representative if the problem could be fixed and did I have to call my HR rep, or would she? I was panicked and upset, but still able to function as a normal human being. The insurance rep could not have been kinder or easier to work with - she took care of everything and called me the next day to confirm that Gavin had been added to the policy. I took care of the problem without anger, hate, or tantrums.
I share this story to show just how different I am this time. I suffered from PPD and came out on the other side a better mother. I feel a stabbing guilt sometimes, for the months of happiness I lost following Laura's birth. I spent a lifetime trying to place blame someone or something for my PPD. But I'm over that. There is nothing to blame, really. I still have some bad days - but doesn't everyone? My bad days don't define me. I am a mother of two, and I am a PPD survivor.
Pouring my heart out
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Take your Laura to Work Day
Remember when I brought Gavin to work with me a few weeks ago? My coworkers loved getting the chance to see him, but missed Laura. I knew I needed to bring her in, but wasn't sure she'd be as easy to entertain as Gavin was! But then my mom decided to fly to Baltimore for a 24-hour trip on a random Tuesday and I had my chance to bring Laura to work!
So yesterday morning, we all piled in the car, dropped Gavin at day care, and then caught the train into DC. Laura really enjoyed the train ride, but was a little miffed when she had to sit on my lap as the train filled with commuters. We were on a fairly crowded rush hour train because, yes, I was bringing my 2.5 year old to work for the day, but I still had to get some actual work done! That's why I had Grammy tagging along!
We got to work, grabbed some breakfast (mmm ham & cheese croissant...), and got to work. By got to work, I mean I got to showing off my cute kid. Who of course became shy for the first time in her life and wouldn't open her mouth to talk to anyone for anything. Even the allure of cubicle toys couldn't get that girl to crack!
A teddy bear on my desk became a new BFF, and Laura eventually settled in ON my desk (sitting on my scanner, oops) with crayons for the morning. I got some work done while my mom and I caught up. I did have a meeting to go to, which ran REALLY LONG, so I sent Laura and Grammy out into the galleries to visit the exhibits and play. I am told they had a lot of fun.
Grammy and Laura got to hang out with my coworkers for lunch. Laura refused to show off any of the tricks I keep telling them about, of course. But she did have fun playing hide and seek in the conference room! Laura ran off a ton of energy, and was ready for a fantastic hour and a half long nap under my desk, George Costanza style.
I got a ton more work done, seriously, and then decided we'd catch the 4:20 train home. It was a really fun day in the end, and I'm really glad I could visit with my mom, even for a few hours while I worked!
So yesterday morning, we all piled in the car, dropped Gavin at day care, and then caught the train into DC. Laura really enjoyed the train ride, but was a little miffed when she had to sit on my lap as the train filled with commuters. We were on a fairly crowded rush hour train because, yes, I was bringing my 2.5 year old to work for the day, but I still had to get some actual work done! That's why I had Grammy tagging along!
We got to work, grabbed some breakfast (mmm ham & cheese croissant...), and got to work. By got to work, I mean I got to showing off my cute kid. Who of course became shy for the first time in her life and wouldn't open her mouth to talk to anyone for anything. Even the allure of cubicle toys couldn't get that girl to crack!
A teddy bear on my desk became a new BFF, and Laura eventually settled in ON my desk (sitting on my scanner, oops) with crayons for the morning. I got some work done while my mom and I caught up. I did have a meeting to go to, which ran REALLY LONG, so I sent Laura and Grammy out into the galleries to visit the exhibits and play. I am told they had a lot of fun.
Grammy and Laura got to hang out with my coworkers for lunch. Laura refused to show off any of the tricks I keep telling them about, of course. But she did have fun playing hide and seek in the conference room! Laura ran off a ton of energy, and was ready for a fantastic hour and a half long nap under my desk, George Costanza style.
I got a ton more work done, seriously, and then decided we'd catch the 4:20 train home. It was a really fun day in the end, and I'm really glad I could visit with my mom, even for a few hours while I worked!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Un-Shy
I didn't used to be shy. Way back in the day. I used to just put myself out there to make friends without hesitation. And then we moved. I rallied, made great friendships, and knew I wasn't shy. And then we moved again. Suddenly, it wasn't so easy to make friends. Suddenly, I wasn't as confident that making friends - and ties to this new town - were the best idea. I was afraid to put myself on the line; I was afraid of the possibility that people might not like me or want to be my friend. So I hid inside myself, and was suddenly shy.
But shy isn't the right word. I know in my heart that I'm not really a shy person. In my heart, I am loud and confident and ready to include everyone! in everything! I want to have lots of friends. To have my social calendar full. To be that perfect sort of busy. The sort where I always have playdates on the horizon. I want to be a friend to others.
When Laura started day care, I made some huge strides towards becoming un-shy. I left notes in the cubbies of a few moms. "Let's have a playdate! Here's my email!" To my surprise, I wasn't rejected, laughed at or ignored. Indeed, these other moms were just as interested in being my friend, as I was in being theirs.
Lately, Laura has been talking about her friend at school. She says he's her best friend. I have met this friend's mom once, in the grocery store. I knew her first name, and that she's not a "mutual friend" with anyone I know from day care on FB. So my potential-friend stalking abilities were limited. I kept meaning to leave a note in the friend's cubby, but also kept forgetting. And who ever has a pen in her purse when she needs one, anyway?
Thursday was Back to School night. The other mom was there. I took a breath, un-shyed myself, and walked over. We exchanged phone numbers, and are planning a playdate. It wasn't hard at all. At the same Back to School night, there was a new mom in Laura's class - a mom I hadn't seen before. I introduced myself, and made a concerted effort to remember her name.
On Saturday, Nate and Laura were off camping in the wilderness of a Delaware State Park. Gavin and I were home, with nothing planned. I had an invitation to a party... where I would know only the host. I decided to go! Then I decided to stay home. Then I decided I wanted pumpkin beer. Then I decided it was ridiculous to drink pumpkin beer at home, alone. So off we went. And you know what? We had fun.
The more I put myself out there to meet other people, the more fun I have. I like this knew un-shy me. I love the confidence that I feel rise up in my heart as I introduce myself and get involved. Un-shy is a much better way to be.
But shy isn't the right word. I know in my heart that I'm not really a shy person. In my heart, I am loud and confident and ready to include everyone! in everything! I want to have lots of friends. To have my social calendar full. To be that perfect sort of busy. The sort where I always have playdates on the horizon. I want to be a friend to others.
When Laura started day care, I made some huge strides towards becoming un-shy. I left notes in the cubbies of a few moms. "Let's have a playdate! Here's my email!" To my surprise, I wasn't rejected, laughed at or ignored. Indeed, these other moms were just as interested in being my friend, as I was in being theirs.
Lately, Laura has been talking about her friend at school. She says he's her best friend. I have met this friend's mom once, in the grocery store. I knew her first name, and that she's not a "mutual friend" with anyone I know from day care on FB. So my potential-friend stalking abilities were limited. I kept meaning to leave a note in the friend's cubby, but also kept forgetting. And who ever has a pen in her purse when she needs one, anyway?
Thursday was Back to School night. The other mom was there. I took a breath, un-shyed myself, and walked over. We exchanged phone numbers, and are planning a playdate. It wasn't hard at all. At the same Back to School night, there was a new mom in Laura's class - a mom I hadn't seen before. I introduced myself, and made a concerted effort to remember her name.
On Saturday, Nate and Laura were off camping in the wilderness of a Delaware State Park. Gavin and I were home, with nothing planned. I had an invitation to a party... where I would know only the host. I decided to go! Then I decided to stay home. Then I decided I wanted pumpkin beer. Then I decided it was ridiculous to drink pumpkin beer at home, alone. So off we went. And you know what? We had fun.
The more I put myself out there to meet other people, the more fun I have. I like this knew un-shy me. I love the confidence that I feel rise up in my heart as I introduce myself and get involved. Un-shy is a much better way to be.
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