Why I'll Never Be a Great Mom

Bento Box Lunches.

Source: userdisk.webry.biglobe.ne.jp via Donna R on Pinterest

 

Call me crazy, but I just don't see how any moms anywhere have enough time to make  such intricate lunches.  Lunches that are either going to be devoured without a second thought, or picked at because "Aw! I can't eat the bunny!" or "Ew! I don't like that food!"

Source: herblog.com via Chloe on Pinterest

 

When did packing a simple, healthy lunch stop being enough?

Source: cookinggallery.blogspot.sg via doe on Pinterest

 

As it is, it takes me a good half an hour just packing a simple sandwich, cheese stick, juice box, yogurt and raisins.  Nate yells out almost every night, "What are you still doing in the kitchen?!"

Source: circlealine.blogspot.com via Kim on Pinterest

 

"Oh nothing honey, just turning Laura's lunch into a man wearing a sombrero!"  Um... what?  No way.  I just don't get it.

Source: google.com via Sharon on Pinterest

 

There are many things about Pinterest that I love.  I love finding new recipes (that I may or may not try)!  I love pinning little ideas for birthday parties (that never wind up as fancy as I plan, and that's okay)!  I love adding pins for fabrics (for a home that I haven't yet decorated in nearly 10 years)!  Pinterest can be fun and silly and fabulous.  But I refuse to let it be intimidating.

So if Pinterest tells me I need to make deli meat sculptures every night to be a great mom, I think I'll just settle for being a good mom.  Thankyouverymuch.

If you're into turning colored rice into pandas for your kids, go crazy.  I'll be on the floor playing with puzzles and dollhouses while you're covered in broccoli dust in your kitchen.

Motherhood Jungle

Is it like bushwhacking through the forest? This motherhood thing? Moving wildly, ever foward into the unknown. Slicing through one obstacle, only to be smacked in the face by another. Leaving a clear path behind for others to follow.

Am I the machete, frantically clawing forward? Trying so desperatetly to succeed on this motherhood path? Is my first born child every stinging tree branch, each one whipping after another?

Everytime I move forward with Laura, I'm met with some new obstacle.  Bed wetting, picky eating, tantrums, tears.  Is mothering Laura harder because I've just never done it before?  Will the same wet beds and uneaten dinners be easier for me to face with Gavin, simply because I've already faced it with Laura?

I keep thinking how much easier it is for me to mother Gavin.  Everything with him is so simple.  He has his hard days, but they never phase me.  Is he just as hard as Laura was, but with an easier path?  Have I already cut down the barriers that keep me from being a good mother to him?  Is it because I've done this whole "baby" thing before, so I know how to handle the creeping vines that tickle my ankles?

What's it like to be an oldest child, always keeping one step ahead of your inexperienced parents?

Is the second child always so nicely set up to just follow along the already beaten trail?  Or am I just waiting for some nasty, snarling second-child vine to twist around my ankle and pull me back from behind? 

I'm a second child and a middle.  I know how much heartache I felt in my role.  Never feeling as empowered as my trailblazing older brother, taking my parents ever onward to the next hurdle.  Always feeling a little bit slighted by my younger brother and sister, who seemed to get all the attention.

"You caused me the least heartache," my mother told me recently.  I know I wasn't always easy.  I know I caused my parents worry and concern.  But was it just being the second child?  Was it just that I was positioned to follow in the clearest part of the path my parents cut with my brother?

Will I always struggle to parent Laura?  Will we ever come to a clearing in this jungle of motherhood?  Will Gavin become mired in some quicksand of parenting?  Will he make it to the clearing that Laura and I discover?  It's a jungle out there.  I hope my blade is sharp enough to cut through the brush, because all around me there is beauty.  I hope I am always able to look up and see it.

Pouring my heart out.  About something.  I'm not sure what.  But my heart? It's pouring.

Book Worm

It's a great problem to have, but not one I was expecting at quite such a young age.  Laura is a bookworm.  A stay up late, reading under the covers bookworm.

Every night, I read 2-3 stories to Laura before tucking her in at 8:30. Every night, she begs to keep one of those stories with her in bed. Every night, I sigh and allow her to take it.

She reads in bed by the soft glow of her mini, hot pink Christmas tree that has been her nightlight since December. I hear her little voice tell the stories she interprets from the pictures till late into the night. I peek into her room, to remind her that it's late and she must be up early in the morning. I give her five more minutes to read, before I go in again to take the book and tuck her back in.

The mornings are hard, waking my tired little bookworm. It's not a problem I was expecting at age 3. But I wouldn't trade her love of books for anything.

Best Ways to Help New Moms

A dear non-mom friend emailed me the other day asking for advice.  Her friend has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl, and she wanted my opinion on the best ways she can help the new mom.  How timely, I thought, as I had just read the Rules for Visiting a New Mom at Scary Mommy.  I was about to send the link to my thoughtful non-mom friend when I took a minute to reread the rules.

I didn't send that blog post to my friend. 

Robyn has some really great suggestions for helping out new moms.  But they are buried in several layers of snark that I could not bear to share with my non-mom friend who was trying so hard to be thoughful.  Instead, I sent her an email in bullet points with some of the best help I received as a new mom, and some excerpts from Robyn's "Rules."  My friend's response: You should totally write a blog post about this – you have good suggestions that aren’t “bring lasagna.”

So here are the bullet points I sent my non-mom friend:

• I know she barely knows me, but I’m here if she needs another mom to talk to.  Seriously.  Give her my number – I text till 10pm, but check it till 11 and would answer her if she had a question.  (I doubt this new mom will ever text me, but isn't it reassuring for a new mom to just know support is out there?)


• I don’t know how laundry happens in NYC, but that will be really hard for a new to accomplish with her C-section stitches.  I have no idea if doing a few loads of laundry is feasible, but it would probably go a long way!


• Offer to clean the kitchen, or whatever while she takes a baby-cry-free shower.  Ah showers!  My favorite thing.  I love not hearing the kids cry when I’m in the shower.


• Bring some favorite moisturizer, or her favorite shampoo?  Things that feel clean and baby-puke-free are awesome.


• Check the baby’s room to see if there’s anything to put away so “cutely” that now she can’t reach because of her stitches.  (As a side note, how many seasoned moms out there can laugh at their attempts to decorate that first nursery?  Nothing from my original attempts worked the way I "planned!") 


• Drop off a pack of size 1 diapers.  You get a pack or two of newborn size from the hospital, and babies grow fast.


• Give her some soft (but cute!) jammies for lounging – pants sit funny on those c-section stitches, I hear.


• On a nice afternoon (when she’s healed and walking again), help her take the baby for a walk.  Fresh air is really helpful for new moms – but strollers are scary.   


• Chauffeur your new mom friend to the grocery store.  Help with that enormous baby carrier, and carry her bags of groceries for her.  But do wait a few weeks to take her grocery shopping - a one-week-old mom doesn't want to think about groceries!


• Most importantly, don’t… crowd.  Don’t show up unexpected.  Don’t come by if she has people over, or has had a full day of visitors.  Some sorts of company can be really draining for a new mom.  So sometimes that new mom just needs a break from people. 


• Don’t stop being sweet just because the baby is three weeks old and old news – that’s when you ask about the trip to buy groceries. 

I wanted to see if any other moms had tips for visiting new moms.  So I took it to Facebook & Twitter:

Kate Sluiter from Sluiter Nation said friends dropped off diapers and Starbucks cards.  What new mom doesn't love a free fancy drink from Starbucks!  Dunkin' Donuts would work for me, too!

KLZ from Taming Insanity said the chance to sleep or take a shower was the best gift she received as a new mom.

Kit said to bring cookies.  Obviously.

Teresa said washing the dishes.  Any of my friends can come over to wash the dishes any time they want.  Seriously.

Adrian was welcomed at home by flowers and framed photographs of her with her new baby, gifts from sweet friend Elizabeth.  I swooned a little when I heard that suggestion - how thoughtful to help remember your baby's first moments!

Amanda received breath mints and lip gloss, in case she didn't feel pretty.  Because sometimes (gasp!) new moms forget to brush their teeth.  It's not pretty, but it happens!

These are such wonderful suggestions from some of my favorite bloggers!  Thanks to everyone who contributed!  The first week of being a mom is so overwhelming.  It's great to know you have wonderful friends willing to support you with such sweet gestures!  What is your favorite way to help a new mom?