In the midst of it all

Work is indescribably busy right now.  And will be for the remainder of the summer.  Frantic, frenetic, stressful... hurry up, wait, rush rush rush... We're all grating on each others nerves, and we're only just getting started.

And then, in the middle of it all, I was able to bring Laura to work for a day.  A day that I really should have been in the hard hat area, helping out.  But instead was sitting at my desk with the sweetest helper imaginable.  She drew pictures while I updated the database.  We left at 3:00 on a day when I probably could have stayed hours late helping.  But some things are more important than work.

Laura's first day of ballet, June 20, 2013:





I got to spend the whole day with my little ballerina.  From breakfast on the train (a powdered donut for Laura!) to lunch with my coworkers to ballet class to dinner out, just the two of us.  I didn't get nearly enough done at work... and it doesn't matter a lick.

 

*If I don't post too often, it's because I'm trapped in a hard hat construction zone for the remainder of the summer.  Work really cuts into blogging sometimes!

Bikini

This weekend, I wore a bikini.  A two-piece, tummy-showing bathing suit.  Tummy.  Showing.  All of it, in all it's post-baby splendor.

And you know what?  I didn't turn anyone to stone.  No one looked away from me repulsed by what they saw.  Did I look perfect?  Like a Sports Illustrated model?  No.  But I never have... so why should I now?

I'd like to look better in my bikini.  I hope that's obvious.  I still have some pounds to shed and some muscles to firm up.  But I wore a bikini this weekend.  My daughter was there to see me in it and compare our belly buttons.  She saw me wear something that many would be too shy to put on, and she saw me wear it with confidence.

I wore a bikini this weekend.  And I plan to wear it all summer.

Compliments

I am feeling incredibly, superbly and wonderfully confident.  Beautiful.  Self-assured.  Proud.

A whispered You are so beautiful early in the morning.

A sleepy I love you, Mommy, before leaving for work.

A spoken You look too good to have had two children from an acquaintance.

A cheerful You are looking fabulous! from a colleague.

An encouraging Good for you! from a boss.

I hear these words and look in the mirror, and see what they see.  I see beauty, love, achievement.  I see a great hair day, clothes that flatter, confidence, pride.

The more confident I feel, the more I want other women to feel the same.  So I talk a friend into going for a run.  I compliment women on their outfits.  I encourage a gym friend to feel proud of her hard work.  All of this giving and encouraging and supporting makes me feel all the more beautiful.  It's a wonderful thing.



 

Chore Chart

Laura's biggest challenge in life is listening.  We ask her to do something.  She doesn't. We warn her about making choices.  She ignores us.  We follow-through with a threatened punishment, and all of a sudden she loses it and can't believe this is happening to her.

And last night, after a really bad trip to the grocery store, she said it.

I hate you, Mommy.  I hate everything and I hate you.

That went straight to my heart like a dagger.  It stung me to silence.

Laura, I get angry with you sometimes, but I always love you.  Always.  Right this minute, I am hurt and angry... but I still love you.

Needless to say, Laura did not get a star in the "listening" box of her chore chart.  The chore chart - a strategy we enacted Sunday evening after a really bad day of listening.  Yesterday was her first day, so I wasn't expecting her to really understand earning the stars for her chart... but I was still pretty sad with how poorly her listening was.

We're just trying out the chore chart for now.  Experimenting to see how it works.  I have a chalkboard in the hall, so right now it has a grid on it with each day of the week, and the four chores she is expected to do each day:

Listen
Eat
Feed Ries
Tidy

Yesterday, she got three stars.  At the end of the week, we'll review the chart to see if she earned a DVD of "The Princess and the Frog," which is currently balanced on top of the chalkboard as incentive.  We'll see how it goes.  If we have success, I might be in the market for something more permanent.  If not... I'm not sure what to do.