Saturday, July 25, 2009

Despair

I have such a total and complete feeling of despair. This happens whenever I have to write a paper of any length, but is just exacerbated right now.

1) This 10-15 page paper in on a topic that I know incredibly little about. Confidence = zero
2) The class this paper is for ended a month ago. I can't stand extended due dates.
3) I'm pregnant. All of my emotions are so whack, that I can't even begin to describe the utter despair I'm feeling right now.
4) Hubby.

I don't think I have mentioned this, because for once I was being private about something. Hubby's company is closing. He'll be able to finish out the stuff he's currently working on, and then nothing. What timing, right?

Not only will Hubby be unemployed with a baby on the way, he is considering a career change. I wholly support this, I really do. His current career is inconsistent, at best. I would like something a little more dependable as we are about to welcome a new (and needy) family member. But neither of us has any idea what he should do, or how to get into it. His current idea for new career is equally inconsistent as the last. While he'd be happier in it in the long run, it would be a LOT of work to get started. And the money would be very tight. Tigher than it already is.

My dreams of working part time (or, ha! not at all!) have gone out the window. We just need my tiny paycheck too much. I am so saddened by this. And also so scared of how we will manage. And so desperate for Hubby do be happy... I can barely breath right now.

I have been really good, putting up a strong front for Hubby. When we first found out about the job, I got really upset and made Hubby upset too. Crying won't help, but it's all I want to do.

And now I have this paper due. Two pages in, so far to go, and nothing to say.