Saturday, April 17, 2010


My mom's in town!  She's been here since Tuesday (hence the media blackout) and will be here till this coming Thursday.  It's been wonderful.  Someone for me to chat with while Hubby's at work.  Someone to peer pressure me into (finally!) buying some new bedding for the master bedroom.  Someone to play with Lulu when I just can't goo at her anymore.

And more importantly, someone to watch Lulu for my first week back at work.  I start back on Monday.  I'm not looking forward to it.  But I am relieved to know that my first week at work is NOT Lulu's first week at daycare.  This will give me a little cushion to ease back into work and get used to leaving Lulu all day.

On the other hand...
Whenever my mom is around, I am a very different person.  I try to be perfect at everything.  I begin to smack-talk my (let's face it) rather cluttered house (that needs a lot of work).  I start doubting everything about my life.  And I get mean, really mean, to Hubby.  Since Lulu came to town, I have been nothing short of cruel to Hubby whenever my mom is around.  Everything he does just grates on my nerves.

I think this is because I know my mom is watching, silently judging.  She likes Hubby well enough now, but it hasn't always been that cordial.  And with the baby around, I know she is watching and waiting for him to mess up.  And I get so nervous that he really will mess up, that I start berating him almost constantly.  It sucks for him, but it also sucks for me.  I feel awful, and yet I can't stop myself!

So as much as I am so glad and relieved to have my mom around, I will almost be relieved for her to head home again next week.  I know Hubby can't wait!  I only wish I didn't feel so self-conscious around her.  I know she doesn't intend to make me feel that way, but I just can't stop analyzing how I measure up to her.