Rough Weekend

I had a rough weekend.  Actually, Laura had a rough weekend while I stood by and watched helplessly.  Laura was sick, but cheerful, last week as she was diagnosed with ear infections.  The doctor started her on antibiotics and sent us on our way.  Laura's eyes cleared up immediately, and I figured she was all set.  I clearly thought she was just fine, as on Wednesday I wrote about how awesome my daughter actually is.

Then Thursday hit.  And Laura started going through diapers the way I go through M&Ms: quickly.  She was still tearing through diapers (and outfits) on Friday.  It was worse on Saturday.  And even worse yesterday when she started throwing up on top of everything else.  Her antibiotic, Suprax, is the devil drug.  Laura was miserable, wanting to be held every minute.  Not interested in eating or drinking.  Barely able to show interest in even her most favorite games.

If you think Laura was bad off, you should have seen me!  I was a wreck.  A blubbery, emotional wreck.  I have never seen Laura so sad, and it just tore at my heart strings.  I was completely helpless to make her feel better.  And I'll admit it - I even got a little frustrated.  Laura and I went to the doctor this morning, where we were met by a completely cold and unconcerned physician.  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as he dismissed my worries about her frequent bowel movements, loss of interest and loss of weight.  Laura now weighs 18 pounds; two ounces less than she weighed at her 12-month check-up two months ago.  I feel like I have a right to be worried about that!  But who am I to say anything; I'm just her mother.

I spent all weekend hunkering after a cookie.  I went to CVS to get more Pedialyte, and was tempted by the Easter candy all around me.  I wanted a Little Debbie snack cake so badly, I might have fought someone for one.  I just wanted to eat something sweet and sugary.  And I wasn't even hungry. It's hard to have an appetite when (a) your child is that sick and (b) the diapers are that nasty.  I just wanted to drown my emotions in sugar.  As if a fattening snack would make me feel better about Laura.

I declined all of these snacks.  I didn't cave once to the emotional cravings.  In actuality, I probably should have had more to drink (I'm sure I'm dehydrated) and eaten an actual meal of food.  But I just couldn't.  Even now, as I sit at work thinking about my daughter, I feel the sting in my eyes from such an emotionally draining weekend.  Laura is at school this afternoon.  She perked up the moment she saw her two best friends playing on the floor.  I set her down, and she didn't even blink as I walked away.  I guess Laura just needed to get out and see the world.

No one ever said being a mom is easy.  I just didn't expect quite so many tears.