We're having fun dressing Lulu up and putting her in silly poses.
But can you blame us?
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
One Month!
Hi Blog Friends!
My name is Lulu, and I'm one month old! That means I'm ready to take on the world. See? I have my little purse all packed and everything. I went to the doctor yesterday to be weighed and measured.
I am already 10 pounds! Even! That means I've gained 2 pounds, 4 ounces since I was born. And that's not even counting those extra few ounces I had to regain. I'm in the 60th percentile for weight.
I am already 21 inches long! Mommy had a feeling I had grown, since so many of my clothes are tight through the body. I grew 3/4 of an inch! I feel like that's an accomplishment worthy of celebration. I'm in the 50th percentile for length.
I also started my first prescription yesterday. My mom sticks something in my mouth that I think I can suck on. But then I get startled because it tastes kind of bitter. But I drink it anyway. Who am I to turn down a snack? Besides, since I started drinking it my tummy hasn't been quite as rumbly.
And in other big 1 month old news, I go for my EKG today. My mommy tells me it'll be cool. She doesn't seem too worried, but I'll probably cry anyway. I'm like that.
One Month!
Hi Blog Friends!
My name is Lulu, and I'm one month old! That means I'm ready to take on the world. See? I have my little purse all packed and everything. I went to the doctor yesterday to be weighed and measured.
I am already 10 pounds! Even! That means I've gained 2 pounds, 4 ounces since I was born. And that's not even counting those extra few ounces I had to regain. I'm in the 60th percentile for weight.
I am already 21 inches long! Mommy had a feeling I had grown, since so many of my clothes are tight through the body. I grew 3/4 of an inch! I feel like that's an accomplishment worthy of celebration. I'm in the 50th percentile for length.
I also started my first prescription yesterday. My mom sticks something in my mouth that I think I can suck on. But then I get startled because it tastes kind of bitter. But I drink it anyway. Who am I to turn down a snack? Besides, since I started drinking it my tummy hasn't been quite as rumbly.
And in other big 1 month old news, I go for my EKG today. My mommy tells me it'll be cool. She doesn't seem too worried, but I'll probably cry anyway. I'm like that.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
We had a bad night
Lulu would not stop wailing. It was constant. It was driving me nuts. Literally. I cried afor lmost as long as she did! This brought up two concerns:
1) Does Lulu have some sort of reflux? She has been making a choking noise every time we lay her down. And her hiccups (that supposedly don't bother infants) were making her hysterical.
2) Does Mommy have PPD? I know, I was feeling so much better. But certain feelings of inadequacy just haven't gone away. And through all the tears, I was starting to feel like I was the one choking, not Lulu.
Luckily, both Lulu and I had our 1 month check-ups today. Mine was first, and as soon as the doctor walked in Lulu started to wail again. And I burst into tears. The doctor gently took Lulu out of her carseat and handed her to a nurse outside, shut the door, and handed me a tissue. All without saying a word. Did I mention this was the Dr. whom I formerly hated and now adore? She was so sensitive today. She listened to how I've been feeling, asked how Lulu's been doing, listened some more.
She feels that I'm experiencing normal "baby blues," but did blood work to test my thyroid. It's possible that a post pardum thyroid imbalance has been causing some of my hysteria, as well as the headaches and afternoon flu-like aches. And of course, she wants me to call in a few weeks if I'm still feeling shaky.
I headed off to Lulu's check-up feeling a little better. Still a bit ready to weep at the drop of a pacifier, but better. And whatever negative feelings I might have still had were completely dashed by Lulu's warm and friendly pediatrician. Lulu's doctor, first of all, agreed that it sounds like Lulu has reflux. She prescribed some Zantac and moved on. Mostly, she was just so supportive of how I'm feeling. Her words:
"It's ok to want to throw the baby out the window. It's not ok to actually throw the baby out the window!"
She said all of this with a cheerful smile, and added that all parents want to tear their hair out sometimes, it's ok to cry, and (most importantly) it's ok to let the baby cry. I need to tell myself that over and over. It's ok to let her cry.
1) Does Lulu have some sort of reflux? She has been making a choking noise every time we lay her down. And her hiccups (that supposedly don't bother infants) were making her hysterical.
2) Does Mommy have PPD? I know, I was feeling so much better. But certain feelings of inadequacy just haven't gone away. And through all the tears, I was starting to feel like I was the one choking, not Lulu.
Luckily, both Lulu and I had our 1 month check-ups today. Mine was first, and as soon as the doctor walked in Lulu started to wail again. And I burst into tears. The doctor gently took Lulu out of her carseat and handed her to a nurse outside, shut the door, and handed me a tissue. All without saying a word. Did I mention this was the Dr. whom I formerly hated and now adore? She was so sensitive today. She listened to how I've been feeling, asked how Lulu's been doing, listened some more.
She feels that I'm experiencing normal "baby blues," but did blood work to test my thyroid. It's possible that a post pardum thyroid imbalance has been causing some of my hysteria, as well as the headaches and afternoon flu-like aches. And of course, she wants me to call in a few weeks if I'm still feeling shaky.
I headed off to Lulu's check-up feeling a little better. Still a bit ready to weep at the drop of a pacifier, but better. And whatever negative feelings I might have still had were completely dashed by Lulu's warm and friendly pediatrician. Lulu's doctor, first of all, agreed that it sounds like Lulu has reflux. She prescribed some Zantac and moved on. Mostly, she was just so supportive of how I'm feeling. Her words:
"It's ok to want to throw the baby out the window. It's not ok to actually throw the baby out the window!"
She said all of this with a cheerful smile, and added that all parents want to tear their hair out sometimes, it's ok to cry, and (most importantly) it's ok to let the baby cry. I need to tell myself that over and over. It's ok to let her cry.
We had a bad night
Lulu would not stop wailing. It was constant. It was driving me nuts. Literally. I cried afor lmost as long as she did! This brought up two concerns:
1) Does Lulu have some sort of reflux? She has been making a choking noise every time we lay her down. And her hiccups (that supposedly don't bother infants) were making her hysterical.
2) Does Mommy have PPD? I know, I was feeling so much better. But certain feelings of inadequacy just haven't gone away. And through all the tears, I was starting to feel like I was the one choking, not Lulu.
Luckily, both Lulu and I had our 1 month check-ups today. Mine was first, and as soon as the doctor walked in Lulu started to wail again. And I burst into tears. The doctor gently took Lulu out of her carseat and handed her to a nurse outside, shut the door, and handed me a tissue. All without saying a word. Did I mention this was the Dr. whom I formerly hated and now adore? She was so sensitive today. She listened to how I've been feeling, asked how Lulu's been doing, listened some more.
She feels that I'm experiencing normal "baby blues," but did blood work to test my thyroid. It's possible that a post pardum thyroid imbalance has been causing some of my hysteria, as well as the headaches and afternoon flu-like aches. And of course, she wants me to call in a few weeks if I'm still feeling shaky.
I headed off to Lulu's check-up feeling a little better. Still a bit ready to weep at the drop of a pacifier, but better. And whatever negative feelings I might have still had were completely dashed by Lulu's warm and friendly pediatrician. Lulu's doctor, first of all, agreed that it sounds like Lulu has reflux. She prescribed some Zantac and moved on. Mostly, she was just so supportive of how I'm feeling. Her words:
"It's ok to want to throw the baby out the window. It's not ok to actually throw the baby out the window!"
She said all of this with a cheerful smile, and added that all parents want to tear their hair out sometimes, it's ok to cry, and (most importantly) it's ok to let the baby cry. I need to tell myself that over and over. It's ok to let her cry.
1) Does Lulu have some sort of reflux? She has been making a choking noise every time we lay her down. And her hiccups (that supposedly don't bother infants) were making her hysterical.
2) Does Mommy have PPD? I know, I was feeling so much better. But certain feelings of inadequacy just haven't gone away. And through all the tears, I was starting to feel like I was the one choking, not Lulu.
Luckily, both Lulu and I had our 1 month check-ups today. Mine was first, and as soon as the doctor walked in Lulu started to wail again. And I burst into tears. The doctor gently took Lulu out of her carseat and handed her to a nurse outside, shut the door, and handed me a tissue. All without saying a word. Did I mention this was the Dr. whom I formerly hated and now adore? She was so sensitive today. She listened to how I've been feeling, asked how Lulu's been doing, listened some more.
She feels that I'm experiencing normal "baby blues," but did blood work to test my thyroid. It's possible that a post pardum thyroid imbalance has been causing some of my hysteria, as well as the headaches and afternoon flu-like aches. And of course, she wants me to call in a few weeks if I'm still feeling shaky.
I headed off to Lulu's check-up feeling a little better. Still a bit ready to weep at the drop of a pacifier, but better. And whatever negative feelings I might have still had were completely dashed by Lulu's warm and friendly pediatrician. Lulu's doctor, first of all, agreed that it sounds like Lulu has reflux. She prescribed some Zantac and moved on. Mostly, she was just so supportive of how I'm feeling. Her words:
"It's ok to want to throw the baby out the window. It's not ok to actually throw the baby out the window!"
She said all of this with a cheerful smile, and added that all parents want to tear their hair out sometimes, it's ok to cry, and (most importantly) it's ok to let the baby cry. I need to tell myself that over and over. It's ok to let her cry.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Yowzers!
Say hello to the 36F MidAtlantic Mommy. That's right. F. A big fat F cup! That would explain why my puny D cup bras weren't working out...
A Big Adventure!
Lulu and I are off to the mall! A germ-filled public fest, where I have to get the stroller in and out of the car - BY MYSELF! I haven't been out with Lulu by myself at all, so this is a very big deal. Why the sudden need to go to the mall?
I now have TWO sore boobs. They both hurt. It's agonizing. Lulu won't eat long enough to ease the pain, so I'm pumping whatever she doesn't finish. Hind milk be damned - I need it out of me! So I have come to the conclusion that I need new bras. This may seem like a total non-sequiter to some, but the fact is that I just don't feel like my ladies are being supported in the least. And the gazillion pounds of fat and milk hanging off my chest HAVE to be part of the reason for this constant soreness.
So in addition to some baby gifts I want to return, I'm taking myself to Nordstrom for a proper fitting. If the ladies at Nordstrom (reknowned for their lingerie department and customer service) can't help me, no one can!
I now have TWO sore boobs. They both hurt. It's agonizing. Lulu won't eat long enough to ease the pain, so I'm pumping whatever she doesn't finish. Hind milk be damned - I need it out of me! So I have come to the conclusion that I need new bras. This may seem like a total non-sequiter to some, but the fact is that I just don't feel like my ladies are being supported in the least. And the gazillion pounds of fat and milk hanging off my chest HAVE to be part of the reason for this constant soreness.
So in addition to some baby gifts I want to return, I'm taking myself to Nordstrom for a proper fitting. If the ladies at Nordstrom (reknowned for their lingerie department and customer service) can't help me, no one can!
Yowzers!
Say hello to the 36F MidAtlantic Mommy. That's right. F. A big fat F cup! That would explain why my puny D cup bras weren't working out...
A Big Adventure!
Lulu and I are off to the mall! A germ-filled public fest, where I have to get the stroller in and out of the car - BY MYSELF! I haven't been out with Lulu by myself at all, so this is a very big deal. Why the sudden need to go to the mall?
I now have TWO sore boobs. They both hurt. It's agonizing. Lulu won't eat long enough to ease the pain, so I'm pumping whatever she doesn't finish. Hind milk be damned - I need it out of me! So I have come to the conclusion that I need new bras. This may seem like a total non-sequiter to some, but the fact is that I just don't feel like my ladies are being supported in the least. And the gazillion pounds of fat and milk hanging off my chest HAVE to be part of the reason for this constant soreness.
So in addition to some baby gifts I want to return, I'm taking myself to Nordstrom for a proper fitting. If the ladies at Nordstrom (reknowned for their lingerie department and customer service) can't help me, no one can!
I now have TWO sore boobs. They both hurt. It's agonizing. Lulu won't eat long enough to ease the pain, so I'm pumping whatever she doesn't finish. Hind milk be damned - I need it out of me! So I have come to the conclusion that I need new bras. This may seem like a total non-sequiter to some, but the fact is that I just don't feel like my ladies are being supported in the least. And the gazillion pounds of fat and milk hanging off my chest HAVE to be part of the reason for this constant soreness.
So in addition to some baby gifts I want to return, I'm taking myself to Nordstrom for a proper fitting. If the ladies at Nordstrom (reknowned for their lingerie department and customer service) can't help me, no one can!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
What a pain
in the boob!
I have a plugged milk duct. It's awful, and I hope none of you other moms, moms-to-be, or way-in-the-future moms-to-be ever experience this. Yowch!
Friday afternoon, I started to feel a little sore on the left side of my left boob. I didn't think too much, since it was in a spot where I stabilize it while Lulu eats. But by bedtime, it was so sore I could barely move my arm. Lifting anything was awful.
It only got worse on Saturday. I started feeling achey and awful, and Lulu was having trouble getting anything to come out. I tried heat, a hot shower, massaging the hurt area, Tylenol and ibuprofen, even a nap. I pretty much felt awful all day, and was starting to worry about mastitis - an infection from the blockage. Lulu was also miserable. She wanted to eat constantly - but wasn't getting anything when she tried. No fun!
Thankfully, I felt much better yesterday so I am not as worried about infection at this point. I can still feel the blockage, but milk is getting through. Thank you heating pads and Lulu's strong sucking! But really, this just sucks.
I have a plugged milk duct. It's awful, and I hope none of you other moms, moms-to-be, or way-in-the-future moms-to-be ever experience this. Yowch!
Friday afternoon, I started to feel a little sore on the left side of my left boob. I didn't think too much, since it was in a spot where I stabilize it while Lulu eats. But by bedtime, it was so sore I could barely move my arm. Lifting anything was awful.
It only got worse on Saturday. I started feeling achey and awful, and Lulu was having trouble getting anything to come out. I tried heat, a hot shower, massaging the hurt area, Tylenol and ibuprofen, even a nap. I pretty much felt awful all day, and was starting to worry about mastitis - an infection from the blockage. Lulu was also miserable. She wanted to eat constantly - but wasn't getting anything when she tried. No fun!
Thankfully, I felt much better yesterday so I am not as worried about infection at this point. I can still feel the blockage, but milk is getting through. Thank you heating pads and Lulu's strong sucking! But really, this just sucks.
What a pain
in the boob!
I have a plugged milk duct. It's awful, and I hope none of you other moms, moms-to-be, or way-in-the-future moms-to-be ever experience this. Yowch!
Friday afternoon, I started to feel a little sore on the left side of my left boob. I didn't think too much, since it was in a spot where I stabilize it while Lulu eats. But by bedtime, it was so sore I could barely move my arm. Lifting anything was awful.
It only got worse on Saturday. I started feeling achey and awful, and Lulu was having trouble getting anything to come out. I tried heat, a hot shower, massaging the hurt area, Tylenol and ibuprofen, even a nap. I pretty much felt awful all day, and was starting to worry about mastitis - an infection from the blockage. Lulu was also miserable. She wanted to eat constantly - but wasn't getting anything when she tried. No fun!
Thankfully, I felt much better yesterday so I am not as worried about infection at this point. I can still feel the blockage, but milk is getting through. Thank you heating pads and Lulu's strong sucking! But really, this just sucks.
I have a plugged milk duct. It's awful, and I hope none of you other moms, moms-to-be, or way-in-the-future moms-to-be ever experience this. Yowch!
Friday afternoon, I started to feel a little sore on the left side of my left boob. I didn't think too much, since it was in a spot where I stabilize it while Lulu eats. But by bedtime, it was so sore I could barely move my arm. Lifting anything was awful.
It only got worse on Saturday. I started feeling achey and awful, and Lulu was having trouble getting anything to come out. I tried heat, a hot shower, massaging the hurt area, Tylenol and ibuprofen, even a nap. I pretty much felt awful all day, and was starting to worry about mastitis - an infection from the blockage. Lulu was also miserable. She wanted to eat constantly - but wasn't getting anything when she tried. No fun!
Thankfully, I felt much better yesterday so I am not as worried about infection at this point. I can still feel the blockage, but milk is getting through. Thank you heating pads and Lulu's strong sucking! But really, this just sucks.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Upsides and the Downsides
Of Lulu's rapid weight gain.
Up: She's gaining weight! My milk is good!
Down: She has developped a heart murmur
Up: The doctor doesn't think it's serious. "Problematic" heart issues would stunt her growth, which obviously isn't a problem.
Down: We still have to take Lulu for an echocardiogram, just to be safe
Up: I had a murmur when I was little, and the EKG was a highlight of my childhood! I got to wear my favorite dress, go somewhere the my brother couldn't go, and SEE my heart! On TV! It was awesome.
Down: I don't think the experience will be as cool as a mom watching my little girl with all those nodes on her tiny chest.
Up: No matter what, we'll know we're doing our best to keep our daughter healthy!
Down: It appears that childhood heart murmurs run in the family. Oh well...
Up: She's gaining weight! My milk is good!
Down: She has developped a heart murmur
Up: The doctor doesn't think it's serious. "Problematic" heart issues would stunt her growth, which obviously isn't a problem.
Down: We still have to take Lulu for an echocardiogram, just to be safe
Up: I had a murmur when I was little, and the EKG was a highlight of my childhood! I got to wear my favorite dress, go somewhere the my brother couldn't go, and SEE my heart! On TV! It was awesome.
Down: I don't think the experience will be as cool as a mom watching my little girl with all those nodes on her tiny chest.
Up: No matter what, we'll know we're doing our best to keep our daughter healthy!
Down: It appears that childhood heart murmurs run in the family. Oh well...
The Upsides and the Downsides
Of Lulu's rapid weight gain.
Up: She's gaining weight! My milk is good!
Down: She has developped a heart murmur
Up: The doctor doesn't think it's serious. "Problematic" heart issues would stunt her growth, which obviously isn't a problem.
Down: We still have to take Lulu for an echocardiogram, just to be safe
Up: I had a murmur when I was little, and the EKG was a highlight of my childhood! I got to wear my favorite dress, go somewhere the my brother couldn't go, and SEE my heart! On TV! It was awesome.
Down: I don't think the experience will be as cool as a mom watching my little girl with all those nodes on her tiny chest.
Up: No matter what, we'll know we're doing our best to keep our daughter healthy!
Down: It appears that childhood heart murmurs run in the family. Oh well...
Up: She's gaining weight! My milk is good!
Down: She has developped a heart murmur
Up: The doctor doesn't think it's serious. "Problematic" heart issues would stunt her growth, which obviously isn't a problem.
Down: We still have to take Lulu for an echocardiogram, just to be safe
Up: I had a murmur when I was little, and the EKG was a highlight of my childhood! I got to wear my favorite dress, go somewhere the my brother couldn't go, and SEE my heart! On TV! It was awesome.
Down: I don't think the experience will be as cool as a mom watching my little girl with all those nodes on her tiny chest.
Up: No matter what, we'll know we're doing our best to keep our daughter healthy!
Down: It appears that childhood heart murmurs run in the family. Oh well...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Holy Cow!
Lulu weighed in at 9 pounds, 5 ounces at the doctor's today! I guess my milk is more like heavy whipping cream or something!
So I also guess that she's getting plenty, even though she only eats for 5 minutes at a time. Go us!
So I also guess that she's getting plenty, even though she only eats for 5 minutes at a time. Go us!
Holy Cow!
Lulu weighed in at 9 pounds, 5 ounces at the doctor's today! I guess my milk is more like heavy whipping cream or something!
So I also guess that she's getting plenty, even though she only eats for 5 minutes at a time. Go us!
So I also guess that she's getting plenty, even though she only eats for 5 minutes at a time. Go us!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Papparazzi
Lulu had her first photoshoot today!
We hired a professional photographer to come and take some newborn shots of Lulu. If the pictures turn out half as cute as Lulu was during the session, I will be thrilled!
The photographer was great. She let us change Lulu into a couple different outfits, and was just a lot of fun to work with. And Lulu was a diva!! She was queen of the head lifts. She made faces. She waved her little hands. And she slept through some crazy hat changes!
I had a lot of fun with my little princess today. Which was great. I was happy and smiling, and really had fun with the whole thing. So maybe it was money well spent, even if the pictures don't come out!
Papparazzi
Lulu had her first photoshoot today!
We hired a professional photographer to come and take some newborn shots of Lulu. If the pictures turn out half as cute as Lulu was during the session, I will be thrilled!
The photographer was great. She let us change Lulu into a couple different outfits, and was just a lot of fun to work with. And Lulu was a diva!! She was queen of the head lifts. She made faces. She waved her little hands. And she slept through some crazy hat changes!
I had a lot of fun with my little princess today. Which was great. I was happy and smiling, and really had fun with the whole thing. So maybe it was money well spent, even if the pictures don't come out!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thanks
See, I started this blog as an outlet for my deepest, darkest feelings. And all your wonderful comments and suggestions proves that this blog was a good idea. Hubby took care of Lulu almost all of yesterday while I slept, cried, slept some more.
And last night, Lulu slept! It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do. I talked to my mom on the phone. She let me cry, and also assured me that:
a) My feelings are normal
b) I'm doing really well as a mommy
c) It'll get easier
d) crying is really healthy and good for new moms
So I woke up today and am feeling much better. It's so wonderful to look at my baby and see how beautiful she is. I wish BFing weren't quite so frustrating. It's not even the feeding part. Lulu is an "efficient" eater, which means she cleans me out in 10 minutes or less. Which is fine on its own, BUT it doesn't satisfy her need to suck. She won't take a pacifier (we've tried a few brands/types), and she can't find her thumb or fingers. We spend a lot of time with a pinky in her mouth hoping she won't notice if we pull it out. I'm praying she'll find her thumb soon! I never thought I'd hope for a thumb-sucker, but here I am.
So, as pruned as my pinky might be at the moment, at least I'm feeling better, right?
And last night, Lulu slept! It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do. I talked to my mom on the phone. She let me cry, and also assured me that:
a) My feelings are normal
b) I'm doing really well as a mommy
c) It'll get easier
d) crying is really healthy and good for new moms
So I woke up today and am feeling much better. It's so wonderful to look at my baby and see how beautiful she is. I wish BFing weren't quite so frustrating. It's not even the feeding part. Lulu is an "efficient" eater, which means she cleans me out in 10 minutes or less. Which is fine on its own, BUT it doesn't satisfy her need to suck. She won't take a pacifier (we've tried a few brands/types), and she can't find her thumb or fingers. We spend a lot of time with a pinky in her mouth hoping she won't notice if we pull it out. I'm praying she'll find her thumb soon! I never thought I'd hope for a thumb-sucker, but here I am.
So, as pruned as my pinky might be at the moment, at least I'm feeling better, right?
Thanks
See, I started this blog as an outlet for my deepest, darkest feelings. And all your wonderful comments and suggestions proves that this blog was a good idea. Hubby took care of Lulu almost all of yesterday while I slept, cried, slept some more.
And last night, Lulu slept! It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do. I talked to my mom on the phone. She let me cry, and also assured me that:
a) My feelings are normal
b) I'm doing really well as a mommy
c) It'll get easier
d) crying is really healthy and good for new moms
So I woke up today and am feeling much better. It's so wonderful to look at my baby and see how beautiful she is. I wish BFing weren't quite so frustrating. It's not even the feeding part. Lulu is an "efficient" eater, which means she cleans me out in 10 minutes or less. Which is fine on its own, BUT it doesn't satisfy her need to suck. She won't take a pacifier (we've tried a few brands/types), and she can't find her thumb or fingers. We spend a lot of time with a pinky in her mouth hoping she won't notice if we pull it out. I'm praying she'll find her thumb soon! I never thought I'd hope for a thumb-sucker, but here I am.
So, as pruned as my pinky might be at the moment, at least I'm feeling better, right?
And last night, Lulu slept! It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do. I talked to my mom on the phone. She let me cry, and also assured me that:
a) My feelings are normal
b) I'm doing really well as a mommy
c) It'll get easier
d) crying is really healthy and good for new moms
So I woke up today and am feeling much better. It's so wonderful to look at my baby and see how beautiful she is. I wish BFing weren't quite so frustrating. It's not even the feeding part. Lulu is an "efficient" eater, which means she cleans me out in 10 minutes or less. Which is fine on its own, BUT it doesn't satisfy her need to suck. She won't take a pacifier (we've tried a few brands/types), and she can't find her thumb or fingers. We spend a lot of time with a pinky in her mouth hoping she won't notice if we pull it out. I'm praying she'll find her thumb soon! I never thought I'd hope for a thumb-sucker, but here I am.
So, as pruned as my pinky might be at the moment, at least I'm feeling better, right?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Baby Blues
I have them. Bad.
Last night I watched 2 am to turn 3 am. Then 4 am. Then 5 am. And I seriously wondered why I had wanted to be a mom so badly. Looking at Lulu, I felt no love. I felt no inclination to do anything about her crying. I did wonder when someone was going to do something to shut up that obnoxious baby... and then remembered that I was supposed to be that someone.
I cried all night. And most of this morning. My tears were partly frustration, partly anger, and partly me wondering why I was finding it so hard to love my child.
After a good nap and copious amounts of cookies, I'm feeling better this afternoon. But only a little better. I mean, I still want to know if it's normal for a new mom to look at her baby and feel no love. Is there something wrong with me? What does it feel like to have "bonded" with a baby? I'm not sure I'm there yet. I just hope these feelings go away. I shouldn't have to remind myself to smile at the baby.
Last night I watched 2 am to turn 3 am. Then 4 am. Then 5 am. And I seriously wondered why I had wanted to be a mom so badly. Looking at Lulu, I felt no love. I felt no inclination to do anything about her crying. I did wonder when someone was going to do something to shut up that obnoxious baby... and then remembered that I was supposed to be that someone.
I cried all night. And most of this morning. My tears were partly frustration, partly anger, and partly me wondering why I was finding it so hard to love my child.
After a good nap and copious amounts of cookies, I'm feeling better this afternoon. But only a little better. I mean, I still want to know if it's normal for a new mom to look at her baby and feel no love. Is there something wrong with me? What does it feel like to have "bonded" with a baby? I'm not sure I'm there yet. I just hope these feelings go away. I shouldn't have to remind myself to smile at the baby.
Baby Blues
I have them. Bad.
Last night I watched 2 am to turn 3 am. Then 4 am. Then 5 am. And I seriously wondered why I had wanted to be a mom so badly. Looking at Lulu, I felt no love. I felt no inclination to do anything about her crying. I did wonder when someone was going to do something to shut up that obnoxious baby... and then remembered that I was supposed to be that someone.
I cried all night. And most of this morning. My tears were partly frustration, partly anger, and partly me wondering why I was finding it so hard to love my child.
After a good nap and copious amounts of cookies, I'm feeling better this afternoon. But only a little better. I mean, I still want to know if it's normal for a new mom to look at her baby and feel no love. Is there something wrong with me? What does it feel like to have "bonded" with a baby? I'm not sure I'm there yet. I just hope these feelings go away. I shouldn't have to remind myself to smile at the baby.
Last night I watched 2 am to turn 3 am. Then 4 am. Then 5 am. And I seriously wondered why I had wanted to be a mom so badly. Looking at Lulu, I felt no love. I felt no inclination to do anything about her crying. I did wonder when someone was going to do something to shut up that obnoxious baby... and then remembered that I was supposed to be that someone.
I cried all night. And most of this morning. My tears were partly frustration, partly anger, and partly me wondering why I was finding it so hard to love my child.
After a good nap and copious amounts of cookies, I'm feeling better this afternoon. But only a little better. I mean, I still want to know if it's normal for a new mom to look at her baby and feel no love. Is there something wrong with me? What does it feel like to have "bonded" with a baby? I'm not sure I'm there yet. I just hope these feelings go away. I shouldn't have to remind myself to smile at the baby.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Flying Solo
It's not a very happy Valentine's day for me. My mom left this morning to fly home to my dad and younger sister. We had two wonderful weeks with my mom. She cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, and offered a magic pinky finger that quieted Lulu when nothing else could. I feel so lucky to have had my mom around to help me adjust to life as a mom. She was fantastic in every way - even if it was just a small hug to let me know it was ok to cry, or a little reminder to go take a nap.
Hubby has been great. Amazingly helpful. And I know his parents would come help out in a heartbeat if I asked. It's just different having your own mom around, cooking all your childhood favorites... It's going to be so weird without her!
Hubby's back to work after a week off from all the snow tomorrow. I'll be on my own...
Hubby has been great. Amazingly helpful. And I know his parents would come help out in a heartbeat if I asked. It's just different having your own mom around, cooking all your childhood favorites... It's going to be so weird without her!
Hubby's back to work after a week off from all the snow tomorrow. I'll be on my own...
Flying Solo
It's not a very happy Valentine's day for me. My mom left this morning to fly home to my dad and younger sister. We had two wonderful weeks with my mom. She cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, and offered a magic pinky finger that quieted Lulu when nothing else could. I feel so lucky to have had my mom around to help me adjust to life as a mom. She was fantastic in every way - even if it was just a small hug to let me know it was ok to cry, or a little reminder to go take a nap.
Hubby has been great. Amazingly helpful. And I know his parents would come help out in a heartbeat if I asked. It's just different having your own mom around, cooking all your childhood favorites... It's going to be so weird without her!
Hubby's back to work after a week off from all the snow tomorrow. I'll be on my own...
Hubby has been great. Amazingly helpful. And I know his parents would come help out in a heartbeat if I asked. It's just different having your own mom around, cooking all your childhood favorites... It's going to be so weird without her!
Hubby's back to work after a week off from all the snow tomorrow. I'll be on my own...
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Happy Two Weeks, Lulu!
Lost our umbilical cord
Crying real tears
Looking around
It might not seem like much to any non-moms out there, but I am astounded! Her first tears came today. What a silly, sad sight. Her little eyes all red from wailing in her crib (as I tried to teach her to either amuse herself or fall asleep on her own. I'm not mean, I swear). She almost looked confused - like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry started showing emotions. "What is this strange salty discharge?" I smiled at her, laughed at her sweet little tears, picked her up and fed her.
Happy Two Weeks, Lulu!
Lost our umbilical cord
Crying real tears
Looking around
It might not seem like much to any non-moms out there, but I am astounded! Her first tears came today. What a silly, sad sight. Her little eyes all red from wailing in her crib (as I tried to teach her to either amuse herself or fall asleep on her own. I'm not mean, I swear). She almost looked confused - like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry started showing emotions. "What is this strange salty discharge?" I smiled at her, laughed at her sweet little tears, picked her up and fed her.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Gun Shy
Well, being a mom is hard. Not that that is news to anyone. But it's really different to say "Being a mom will be hard" before the baby arrives, and actually experiencing how hard it is.
I had a few days of tears. It wasn't pretty. And I did not feel very confident in myself. I was especially glad to have my own mom around to take care of things, because there were definitely a few occasions where I couldn't bear to pick up my baby one more time. My body even slept through several middle of the night wails - with my mom coming in to take care of rocking Lulu back to sleep. I had no idea she had been crying at all. It's a little scary to think that my baby was crying and I slept through it.
I am happy to report that after an entire day yesterday of no visitors (beyond my mom) and pajamas in bed, I am feeling much better. I am happy to see my baby, feed her, change her, coo at her... With no tears at all! Yesterday I was feeling much better, but still had a few moments of "Stop looking at me or I'll bite your head off." Today I am feeling like a good mom. I know I'll never be perfect, but at least I can be cheerful!
I will say, the little poop shooter I call Lulu has deadly aim. We (my mom, Hubby and I) have finally each found our own system for at least catching the poop midair. But it's amazing... as soon as the air hits that cute little bottom, out squirts the mustard! Back when I wasn't feeling so hot about being a mom, I actually refused to change any diapers. I went two days without changing her, because I just couldn't handle the poop. I've changed every diaper so far today, with nary an incident. I'm very proud of myself.
It's the little things.
I had a few days of tears. It wasn't pretty. And I did not feel very confident in myself. I was especially glad to have my own mom around to take care of things, because there were definitely a few occasions where I couldn't bear to pick up my baby one more time. My body even slept through several middle of the night wails - with my mom coming in to take care of rocking Lulu back to sleep. I had no idea she had been crying at all. It's a little scary to think that my baby was crying and I slept through it.
I am happy to report that after an entire day yesterday of no visitors (beyond my mom) and pajamas in bed, I am feeling much better. I am happy to see my baby, feed her, change her, coo at her... With no tears at all! Yesterday I was feeling much better, but still had a few moments of "Stop looking at me or I'll bite your head off." Today I am feeling like a good mom. I know I'll never be perfect, but at least I can be cheerful!
I will say, the little poop shooter I call Lulu has deadly aim. We (my mom, Hubby and I) have finally each found our own system for at least catching the poop midair. But it's amazing... as soon as the air hits that cute little bottom, out squirts the mustard! Back when I wasn't feeling so hot about being a mom, I actually refused to change any diapers. I went two days without changing her, because I just couldn't handle the poop. I've changed every diaper so far today, with nary an incident. I'm very proud of myself.
It's the little things.
Gun Shy
Well, being a mom is hard. Not that that is news to anyone. But it's really different to say "Being a mom will be hard" before the baby arrives, and actually experiencing how hard it is.
I had a few days of tears. It wasn't pretty. And I did not feel very confident in myself. I was especially glad to have my own mom around to take care of things, because there were definitely a few occasions where I couldn't bear to pick up my baby one more time. My body even slept through several middle of the night wails - with my mom coming in to take care of rocking Lulu back to sleep. I had no idea she had been crying at all. It's a little scary to think that my baby was crying and I slept through it.
I am happy to report that after an entire day yesterday of no visitors (beyond my mom) and pajamas in bed, I am feeling much better. I am happy to see my baby, feed her, change her, coo at her... With no tears at all! Yesterday I was feeling much better, but still had a few moments of "Stop looking at me or I'll bite your head off." Today I am feeling like a good mom. I know I'll never be perfect, but at least I can be cheerful!
I will say, the little poop shooter I call Lulu has deadly aim. We (my mom, Hubby and I) have finally each found our own system for at least catching the poop midair. But it's amazing... as soon as the air hits that cute little bottom, out squirts the mustard! Back when I wasn't feeling so hot about being a mom, I actually refused to change any diapers. I went two days without changing her, because I just couldn't handle the poop. I've changed every diaper so far today, with nary an incident. I'm very proud of myself.
It's the little things.
I had a few days of tears. It wasn't pretty. And I did not feel very confident in myself. I was especially glad to have my own mom around to take care of things, because there were definitely a few occasions where I couldn't bear to pick up my baby one more time. My body even slept through several middle of the night wails - with my mom coming in to take care of rocking Lulu back to sleep. I had no idea she had been crying at all. It's a little scary to think that my baby was crying and I slept through it.
I am happy to report that after an entire day yesterday of no visitors (beyond my mom) and pajamas in bed, I am feeling much better. I am happy to see my baby, feed her, change her, coo at her... With no tears at all! Yesterday I was feeling much better, but still had a few moments of "Stop looking at me or I'll bite your head off." Today I am feeling like a good mom. I know I'll never be perfect, but at least I can be cheerful!
I will say, the little poop shooter I call Lulu has deadly aim. We (my mom, Hubby and I) have finally each found our own system for at least catching the poop midair. But it's amazing... as soon as the air hits that cute little bottom, out squirts the mustard! Back when I wasn't feeling so hot about being a mom, I actually refused to change any diapers. I went two days without changing her, because I just couldn't handle the poop. I've changed every diaper so far today, with nary an incident. I'm very proud of myself.
It's the little things.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Did you know
That babies can squirt poop all the way across the room?
Keep that bottom covered at all times people! Before the poop literally hits the wall!
Keep that bottom covered at all times people! Before the poop literally hits the wall!
Did you know
That babies can squirt poop all the way across the room?
Keep that bottom covered at all times people! Before the poop literally hits the wall!
Keep that bottom covered at all times people! Before the poop literally hits the wall!
How could I forget?!
I take back everything I ever said about the "Mean Doctor." She was the doctor who delivered Lulu. And she was fantastic. The entire time I was pushing, she was completely calm and incredibly encouraging. Hubby did all the counting (and apparently was loud enough to count for a woman down the hall too!), and one of the nurses held a foot and coached me through. But it was Dr. A who really got me through the experience.
And once Lulu popped out - and was blue - Dr. A's calm demeanor made everything seem ok. Even though I was sobbing and everything seemed so terrible. She calmly handed the baby to the NICU team, and set back to work on me. Talking to me the whole time, telling me how I was doing a great job and that everything would be ok.
I could never have gotten through the experience without her!!
And once Lulu popped out - and was blue - Dr. A's calm demeanor made everything seem ok. Even though I was sobbing and everything seemed so terrible. She calmly handed the baby to the NICU team, and set back to work on me. Talking to me the whole time, telling me how I was doing a great job and that everything would be ok.
I could never have gotten through the experience without her!!
How could I forget?!
I take back everything I ever said about the "Mean Doctor." She was the doctor who delivered Lulu. And she was fantastic. The entire time I was pushing, she was completely calm and incredibly encouraging. Hubby did all the counting (and apparently was loud enough to count for a woman down the hall too!), and one of the nurses held a foot and coached me through. But it was Dr. A who really got me through the experience.
And once Lulu popped out - and was blue - Dr. A's calm demeanor made everything seem ok. Even though I was sobbing and everything seemed so terrible. She calmly handed the baby to the NICU team, and set back to work on me. Talking to me the whole time, telling me how I was doing a great job and that everything would be ok.
I could never have gotten through the experience without her!!
And once Lulu popped out - and was blue - Dr. A's calm demeanor made everything seem ok. Even though I was sobbing and everything seemed so terrible. She calmly handed the baby to the NICU team, and set back to work on me. Talking to me the whole time, telling me how I was doing a great job and that everything would be ok.
I could never have gotten through the experience without her!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Our Birth Story
I wanted to write this down before I forgot too much. Wednesday evening, all of a sudden, my nose got incredibly runny. Far runnier than it had ever been the whole pregnancy. I jokingly said to Hubby that maybe my body was getting extra relaxed and ready for birth, since my nose was so ridiculous. I slept terribly (like 3 hours total in naps) Wednesday night and woke up even stuffier and very cranky Thursday morning.
I headed off to my weekly appointment feeling very tired, cranky, stuffy, and as though I'd be pregnant forever. The news at the appointment wasn't too encouraging either - I was still 1 cm, 50% effaced. No progress whatsoever, and the doctor brought up the dreaded "I" word - induction. I didn't cry on the way home, but was quietly resigned.
Thursday night, Hubby and I went to bed around 11:00. I couldn't sleep at all - the nose again. Around midnight, I felt a little leaky. I went to the bathroom, but it was nothing. On the other hand, it put me on guard. I did not really fall asleep again. At 2:04 (Hubby checked the clock when I started yelling!), my water broke. And oh did it break! I had several huge gushes before we could make it to the car. A few more in the car, one at the feet of the ER check-in, and it just continued. I was never so happy to put on a hospital gown in my life - it meant I could take off my sopping wet pants, socks, sneakers...
I started to notice contractions when we got to the hospital. In hindsight, I had been having little teensy ones all day Thursday (which I just thought were me just feeling crappy from the nose). Sadly, at my first check, I was STILL 1cm, 50% effaced - and -4 station. At some point, I asked for Stadol to help me get a little sleep, since I hadn't slept since Tuesday. The stadol really helped - I was totally out of it! Apparently I had some conversation with Hubby about Tony the Tiger (who I thought would be a GRRR-eat! Labor coach). I have no sense of time throughout this process, but at the next check, my contractions (though 2-4 minutes apart from the start) just weren't strong enough to move the baby down AT. ALL. They asked if I would accept some pitocin. I hedged a bit, but eventually we compromised with a much smaller dose than they would usually give. And I upheld my decision to go without the epidural. They thought I was nuts, but were VERY supportive of my decision.
The pitocin immediately made the contractions REALLY strong. I was shocked by the difference between those and my little wimpy ones before. Wow. I made it twelve hours from my water breaking without drugs. When they came in at that point and it had taken me 3 hours to go from 4 to 5 cm (still only 90% effaced, and still at -4 station), I completely lost it. I was sobbing and begged for an epidural, and still feel confident that I made the right decision.
This whole time, Hubby was the absolute BEST coach and husband I could ever have asked for. He was physically and emotionally supportive the entire time. When I finally asked for the epidural, he asked about 10 times "are you sure this is what you want? I want you to have the experience you hoped for." Even the nurses were commednable in this respect. They asked me once early on if I would want one, and never again. They did wince in sympathy through every contraction - and I can't imagine what the other women on the hall thought of my screaming. Even with all the movement and breathing techniques I had practiced, I just couldn't work through the contractions. The epidural was a welcome relief.
I had a fantastic anesthesiologist. He was there within 5 minutes of my request. He worked between contractions, was calm and supportive - and I had the perfect balance between numbness and feeling pressure. I knew when I was having a contraction - and whether it was a big one or not - but was comfortable and joking again.
My mom arrived from the Northeast just as they were finishing up the epidural. She arrived in time to see the last of my contraction tears, which were more tears of relief and thanks for the epidural at that point (although I did have three more before the drugs fully kicked in. Yowch!)
It still took a long time before I was ready to push. I pushed for 1 hour 20 minutes, and out popped Lulu (the best feeling in the whole world). I actually said as she flew out, "Oh my god, that feels great!" But my happiness at having her out was quickly brought to an end. She was completely blue and silent. NICU came flying in with a crash cart, and I was sobbing. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Apparently, Lulu had fluid in her lungs, since my labor took so long. Her heart was really strong, but she couldn't breath. What a relief when I finally heard her tiny little wail. It was a pretty weak cry at first, but quickly got loud and strong. I was sobbing with relief, happiness, terror - every single emotion just running through me. They finally let me hold her after what felt like hours. It was probably 15 to 30 minutes or so.
Hubby was, again, wonderful through all of it. He stayed with the baby, but kept telling me what was going on. He asked constantly (once she was breathing) when she could be brought to me. He was definitely my advocate. Finally holding my precious little girl was an even better feeling than when she popped out.
Lulu is a big girl, at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long. She has a TON of hair, and a dimple on each cheek. I might be biased, but I think she's the most beautiful girl on the world.
I know I'm missing things that I wanted to mention. The big things though, I feel that I did have a positive birth experience, even with the drama at the end. I was able to make decisions that were supported by the nurses and doctors. The only time I felt powerless was when NICU was hovering over my baby and I couldn't hold her. But it's not like I had a choice there! And really, a crying baby is a much better thing to hold than a blue one. So all in all, I was very happy with the care I received. And even though I didn't achieve an entirely "natural" childbirth, I was really proud of the 12 hours I did labor. I was proud of my pushing. I was proud of my ability to make the decision to get the epidural, even if it wasn't in my original "plan." Most of all, I am just overwhelmingly proud of my little girl.
I headed off to my weekly appointment feeling very tired, cranky, stuffy, and as though I'd be pregnant forever. The news at the appointment wasn't too encouraging either - I was still 1 cm, 50% effaced. No progress whatsoever, and the doctor brought up the dreaded "I" word - induction. I didn't cry on the way home, but was quietly resigned.
Thursday night, Hubby and I went to bed around 11:00. I couldn't sleep at all - the nose again. Around midnight, I felt a little leaky. I went to the bathroom, but it was nothing. On the other hand, it put me on guard. I did not really fall asleep again. At 2:04 (Hubby checked the clock when I started yelling!), my water broke. And oh did it break! I had several huge gushes before we could make it to the car. A few more in the car, one at the feet of the ER check-in, and it just continued. I was never so happy to put on a hospital gown in my life - it meant I could take off my sopping wet pants, socks, sneakers...
I started to notice contractions when we got to the hospital. In hindsight, I had been having little teensy ones all day Thursday (which I just thought were me just feeling crappy from the nose). Sadly, at my first check, I was STILL 1cm, 50% effaced - and -4 station. At some point, I asked for Stadol to help me get a little sleep, since I hadn't slept since Tuesday. The stadol really helped - I was totally out of it! Apparently I had some conversation with Hubby about Tony the Tiger (who I thought would be a GRRR-eat! Labor coach). I have no sense of time throughout this process, but at the next check, my contractions (though 2-4 minutes apart from the start) just weren't strong enough to move the baby down AT. ALL. They asked if I would accept some pitocin. I hedged a bit, but eventually we compromised with a much smaller dose than they would usually give. And I upheld my decision to go without the epidural. They thought I was nuts, but were VERY supportive of my decision.
The pitocin immediately made the contractions REALLY strong. I was shocked by the difference between those and my little wimpy ones before. Wow. I made it twelve hours from my water breaking without drugs. When they came in at that point and it had taken me 3 hours to go from 4 to 5 cm (still only 90% effaced, and still at -4 station), I completely lost it. I was sobbing and begged for an epidural, and still feel confident that I made the right decision.
This whole time, Hubby was the absolute BEST coach and husband I could ever have asked for. He was physically and emotionally supportive the entire time. When I finally asked for the epidural, he asked about 10 times "are you sure this is what you want? I want you to have the experience you hoped for." Even the nurses were commednable in this respect. They asked me once early on if I would want one, and never again. They did wince in sympathy through every contraction - and I can't imagine what the other women on the hall thought of my screaming. Even with all the movement and breathing techniques I had practiced, I just couldn't work through the contractions. The epidural was a welcome relief.
I had a fantastic anesthesiologist. He was there within 5 minutes of my request. He worked between contractions, was calm and supportive - and I had the perfect balance between numbness and feeling pressure. I knew when I was having a contraction - and whether it was a big one or not - but was comfortable and joking again.
My mom arrived from the Northeast just as they were finishing up the epidural. She arrived in time to see the last of my contraction tears, which were more tears of relief and thanks for the epidural at that point (although I did have three more before the drugs fully kicked in. Yowch!)
It still took a long time before I was ready to push. I pushed for 1 hour 20 minutes, and out popped Lulu (the best feeling in the whole world). I actually said as she flew out, "Oh my god, that feels great!" But my happiness at having her out was quickly brought to an end. She was completely blue and silent. NICU came flying in with a crash cart, and I was sobbing. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Apparently, Lulu had fluid in her lungs, since my labor took so long. Her heart was really strong, but she couldn't breath. What a relief when I finally heard her tiny little wail. It was a pretty weak cry at first, but quickly got loud and strong. I was sobbing with relief, happiness, terror - every single emotion just running through me. They finally let me hold her after what felt like hours. It was probably 15 to 30 minutes or so.
Hubby was, again, wonderful through all of it. He stayed with the baby, but kept telling me what was going on. He asked constantly (once she was breathing) when she could be brought to me. He was definitely my advocate. Finally holding my precious little girl was an even better feeling than when she popped out.
Lulu is a big girl, at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long. She has a TON of hair, and a dimple on each cheek. I might be biased, but I think she's the most beautiful girl on the world.
I know I'm missing things that I wanted to mention. The big things though, I feel that I did have a positive birth experience, even with the drama at the end. I was able to make decisions that were supported by the nurses and doctors. The only time I felt powerless was when NICU was hovering over my baby and I couldn't hold her. But it's not like I had a choice there! And really, a crying baby is a much better thing to hold than a blue one. So all in all, I was very happy with the care I received. And even though I didn't achieve an entirely "natural" childbirth, I was really proud of the 12 hours I did labor. I was proud of my pushing. I was proud of my ability to make the decision to get the epidural, even if it wasn't in my original "plan." Most of all, I am just overwhelmingly proud of my little girl.
Our Birth Story
I wanted to write this down before I forgot too much. Wednesday evening, all of a sudden, my nose got incredibly runny. Far runnier than it had ever been the whole pregnancy. I jokingly said to Hubby that maybe my body was getting extra relaxed and ready for birth, since my nose was so ridiculous. I slept terribly (like 3 hours total in naps) Wednesday night and woke up even stuffier and very cranky Thursday morning.
I headed off to my weekly appointment feeling very tired, cranky, stuffy, and as though I'd be pregnant forever. The news at the appointment wasn't too encouraging either - I was still 1 cm, 50% effaced. No progress whatsoever, and the doctor brought up the dreaded "I" word - induction. I didn't cry on the way home, but was quietly resigned.
Thursday night, Hubby and I went to bed around 11:00. I couldn't sleep at all - the nose again. Around midnight, I felt a little leaky. I went to the bathroom, but it was nothing. On the other hand, it put me on guard. I did not really fall asleep again. At 2:04 (Hubby checked the clock when I started yelling!), my water broke. And oh did it break! I had several huge gushes before we could make it to the car. A few more in the car, one at the feet of the ER check-in, and it just continued. I was never so happy to put on a hospital gown in my life - it meant I could take off my sopping wet pants, socks, sneakers...
I started to notice contractions when we got to the hospital. In hindsight, I had been having little teensy ones all day Thursday (which I just thought were me just feeling crappy from the nose). Sadly, at my first check, I was STILL 1cm, 50% effaced - and -4 station. At some point, I asked for Stadol to help me get a little sleep, since I hadn't slept since Tuesday. The stadol really helped - I was totally out of it! Apparently I had some conversation with Hubby about Tony the Tiger (who I thought would be a GRRR-eat! Labor coach). I have no sense of time throughout this process, but at the next check, my contractions (though 2-4 minutes apart from the start) just weren't strong enough to move the baby down AT. ALL. They asked if I would accept some pitocin. I hedged a bit, but eventually we compromised with a much smaller dose than they would usually give. And I upheld my decision to go without the epidural. They thought I was nuts, but were VERY supportive of my decision.
The pitocin immediately made the contractions REALLY strong. I was shocked by the difference between those and my little wimpy ones before. Wow. I made it twelve hours from my water breaking without drugs. When they came in at that point and it had taken me 3 hours to go from 4 to 5 cm (still only 90% effaced, and still at -4 station), I completely lost it. I was sobbing and begged for an epidural, and still feel confident that I made the right decision.
This whole time, Hubby was the absolute BEST coach and husband I could ever have asked for. He was physically and emotionally supportive the entire time. When I finally asked for the epidural, he asked about 10 times "are you sure this is what you want? I want you to have the experience you hoped for." Even the nurses were commednable in this respect. They asked me once early on if I would want one, and never again. They did wince in sympathy through every contraction - and I can't imagine what the other women on the hall thought of my screaming. Even with all the movement and breathing techniques I had practiced, I just couldn't work through the contractions. The epidural was a welcome relief.
I had a fantastic anesthesiologist. He was there within 5 minutes of my request. He worked between contractions, was calm and supportive - and I had the perfect balance between numbness and feeling pressure. I knew when I was having a contraction - and whether it was a big one or not - but was comfortable and joking again.
My mom arrived from the Northeast just as they were finishing up the epidural. She arrived in time to see the last of my contraction tears, which were more tears of relief and thanks for the epidural at that point (although I did have three more before the drugs fully kicked in. Yowch!)
It still took a long time before I was ready to push. I pushed for 1 hour 20 minutes, and out popped Lulu (the best feeling in the whole world). I actually said as she flew out, "Oh my god, that feels great!" But my happiness at having her out was quickly brought to an end. She was completely blue and silent. NICU came flying in with a crash cart, and I was sobbing. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Apparently, Lulu had fluid in her lungs, since my labor took so long. Her heart was really strong, but she couldn't breath. What a relief when I finally heard her tiny little wail. It was a pretty weak cry at first, but quickly got loud and strong. I was sobbing with relief, happiness, terror - every single emotion just running through me. They finally let me hold her after what felt like hours. It was probably 15 to 30 minutes or so.
Hubby was, again, wonderful through all of it. He stayed with the baby, but kept telling me what was going on. He asked constantly (once she was breathing) when she could be brought to me. He was definitely my advocate. Finally holding my precious little girl was an even better feeling than when she popped out.
Lulu is a big girl, at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long. She has a TON of hair, and a dimple on each cheek. I might be biased, but I think she's the most beautiful girl on the world.
I know I'm missing things that I wanted to mention. The big things though, I feel that I did have a positive birth experience, even with the drama at the end. I was able to make decisions that were supported by the nurses and doctors. The only time I felt powerless was when NICU was hovering over my baby and I couldn't hold her. But it's not like I had a choice there! And really, a crying baby is a much better thing to hold than a blue one. So all in all, I was very happy with the care I received. And even though I didn't achieve an entirely "natural" childbirth, I was really proud of the 12 hours I did labor. I was proud of my pushing. I was proud of my ability to make the decision to get the epidural, even if it wasn't in my original "plan." Most of all, I am just overwhelmingly proud of my little girl.
I headed off to my weekly appointment feeling very tired, cranky, stuffy, and as though I'd be pregnant forever. The news at the appointment wasn't too encouraging either - I was still 1 cm, 50% effaced. No progress whatsoever, and the doctor brought up the dreaded "I" word - induction. I didn't cry on the way home, but was quietly resigned.
Thursday night, Hubby and I went to bed around 11:00. I couldn't sleep at all - the nose again. Around midnight, I felt a little leaky. I went to the bathroom, but it was nothing. On the other hand, it put me on guard. I did not really fall asleep again. At 2:04 (Hubby checked the clock when I started yelling!), my water broke. And oh did it break! I had several huge gushes before we could make it to the car. A few more in the car, one at the feet of the ER check-in, and it just continued. I was never so happy to put on a hospital gown in my life - it meant I could take off my sopping wet pants, socks, sneakers...
I started to notice contractions when we got to the hospital. In hindsight, I had been having little teensy ones all day Thursday (which I just thought were me just feeling crappy from the nose). Sadly, at my first check, I was STILL 1cm, 50% effaced - and -4 station. At some point, I asked for Stadol to help me get a little sleep, since I hadn't slept since Tuesday. The stadol really helped - I was totally out of it! Apparently I had some conversation with Hubby about Tony the Tiger (who I thought would be a GRRR-eat! Labor coach). I have no sense of time throughout this process, but at the next check, my contractions (though 2-4 minutes apart from the start) just weren't strong enough to move the baby down AT. ALL. They asked if I would accept some pitocin. I hedged a bit, but eventually we compromised with a much smaller dose than they would usually give. And I upheld my decision to go without the epidural. They thought I was nuts, but were VERY supportive of my decision.
The pitocin immediately made the contractions REALLY strong. I was shocked by the difference between those and my little wimpy ones before. Wow. I made it twelve hours from my water breaking without drugs. When they came in at that point and it had taken me 3 hours to go from 4 to 5 cm (still only 90% effaced, and still at -4 station), I completely lost it. I was sobbing and begged for an epidural, and still feel confident that I made the right decision.
This whole time, Hubby was the absolute BEST coach and husband I could ever have asked for. He was physically and emotionally supportive the entire time. When I finally asked for the epidural, he asked about 10 times "are you sure this is what you want? I want you to have the experience you hoped for." Even the nurses were commednable in this respect. They asked me once early on if I would want one, and never again. They did wince in sympathy through every contraction - and I can't imagine what the other women on the hall thought of my screaming. Even with all the movement and breathing techniques I had practiced, I just couldn't work through the contractions. The epidural was a welcome relief.
I had a fantastic anesthesiologist. He was there within 5 minutes of my request. He worked between contractions, was calm and supportive - and I had the perfect balance between numbness and feeling pressure. I knew when I was having a contraction - and whether it was a big one or not - but was comfortable and joking again.
My mom arrived from the Northeast just as they were finishing up the epidural. She arrived in time to see the last of my contraction tears, which were more tears of relief and thanks for the epidural at that point (although I did have three more before the drugs fully kicked in. Yowch!)
It still took a long time before I was ready to push. I pushed for 1 hour 20 minutes, and out popped Lulu (the best feeling in the whole world). I actually said as she flew out, "Oh my god, that feels great!" But my happiness at having her out was quickly brought to an end. She was completely blue and silent. NICU came flying in with a crash cart, and I was sobbing. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Apparently, Lulu had fluid in her lungs, since my labor took so long. Her heart was really strong, but she couldn't breath. What a relief when I finally heard her tiny little wail. It was a pretty weak cry at first, but quickly got loud and strong. I was sobbing with relief, happiness, terror - every single emotion just running through me. They finally let me hold her after what felt like hours. It was probably 15 to 30 minutes or so.
Hubby was, again, wonderful through all of it. He stayed with the baby, but kept telling me what was going on. He asked constantly (once she was breathing) when she could be brought to me. He was definitely my advocate. Finally holding my precious little girl was an even better feeling than when she popped out.
Lulu is a big girl, at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long. She has a TON of hair, and a dimple on each cheek. I might be biased, but I think she's the most beautiful girl on the world.
I know I'm missing things that I wanted to mention. The big things though, I feel that I did have a positive birth experience, even with the drama at the end. I was able to make decisions that were supported by the nurses and doctors. The only time I felt powerless was when NICU was hovering over my baby and I couldn't hold her. But it's not like I had a choice there! And really, a crying baby is a much better thing to hold than a blue one. So all in all, I was very happy with the care I received. And even though I didn't achieve an entirely "natural" childbirth, I was really proud of the 12 hours I did labor. I was proud of my pushing. I was proud of my ability to make the decision to get the epidural, even if it wasn't in my original "plan." Most of all, I am just overwhelmingly proud of my little girl.
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