Monday, February 15, 2010

Baby Blues

I have them.  Bad.

Last night I watched 2 am to turn 3 am.  Then 4 am.  Then 5 am.  And I seriously wondered why I had wanted to be a mom so badly.  Looking at Lulu, I felt no love.  I felt no inclination to do anything about her crying.  I did wonder when someone was going to do something to shut up that obnoxious baby... and then remembered that I was supposed to be that someone.

I cried all night.  And most of this morning.  My tears were partly frustration, partly anger, and partly me wondering why I was finding it so hard to love my child.

After a good nap and copious amounts of cookies, I'm feeling better this afternoon.  But only a little better.  I mean, I still want to know if it's normal for a new mom to look at her baby and feel no love.  Is there something wrong with me?  What does it feel like to have "bonded" with a baby?  I'm not sure I'm there yet.  I just hope these feelings go away.  I shouldn't have to remind myself to smile at the baby.