I crashed. Total, post-caffeine meltdown. I don't usually have much caffeine because, well, it doesn't take much of it to get my bouncing off the walls. Yesterday, I forgot to ask for decaf when I ordered my morning Dunkin'. I was nicely hopped up on sugar, caffeine and motherhood adrenaline (Laura can roll!) all morning.
And then I decided I needed a cherry coke at lunch. It was all over in the moment that I grasped the cool elixir. I was hopped up all day. And all night. I don't think I slept more than 3 hours last night. I'm exhausted. And can't get excited for much of anything, even though I have an exciting weekend planned - and it's Friday! No caffeine for me today!!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Timber!
I crashed. Total, post-caffeine meltdown. I don't usually have much caffeine because, well, it doesn't take much of it to get my bouncing off the walls. Yesterday, I forgot to ask for decaf when I ordered my morning Dunkin'. I was nicely hopped up on sugar, caffeine and motherhood adrenaline (Laura can roll!) all morning.
And then I decided I needed a cherry coke at lunch. It was all over in the moment that I grasped the cool elixir. I was hopped up all day. And all night. I don't think I slept more than 3 hours last night. I'm exhausted. And can't get excited for much of anything, even though I have an exciting weekend planned - and it's Friday! No caffeine for me today!!
And then I decided I needed a cherry coke at lunch. It was all over in the moment that I grasped the cool elixir. I was hopped up all day. And all night. I don't think I slept more than 3 hours last night. I'm exhausted. And can't get excited for much of anything, even though I have an exciting weekend planned - and it's Friday! No caffeine for me today!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Rollin' Into Town
Guess who's rolling!! That's right! Laura rolled from her back to her tummy several times last night, and some more this morning. She has been so close for so long...
And I'm especially happy that she saved her first complete roll for Hubby and I to see! She rolled for Daddy while I was cooking dinner. I'm almost positive the day care would have written the achievement on her daily sheet if she'd done it during school yesterday. Smart girl for saving her roll for Mommy and Daddy!
Laura will be 4 months on Saturday, and I am so proud of my precocious little girl!
And I'm especially happy that she saved her first complete roll for Hubby and I to see! She rolled for Daddy while I was cooking dinner. I'm almost positive the day care would have written the achievement on her daily sheet if she'd done it during school yesterday. Smart girl for saving her roll for Mommy and Daddy!
Laura will be 4 months on Saturday, and I am so proud of my precocious little girl!
Rollin' Into Town
Guess who's rolling!! That's right! Laura rolled from her back to her tummy several times last night, and some more this morning. She has been so close for so long...
And I'm especially happy that she saved her first complete roll for Hubby and I to see! She rolled for Daddy while I was cooking dinner. I'm almost positive the day care would have written the achievement on her daily sheet if she'd done it during school yesterday. Smart girl for saving her roll for Mommy and Daddy!
Laura will be 4 months on Saturday, and I am so proud of my precocious little girl!
And I'm especially happy that she saved her first complete roll for Hubby and I to see! She rolled for Daddy while I was cooking dinner. I'm almost positive the day care would have written the achievement on her daily sheet if she'd done it during school yesterday. Smart girl for saving her roll for Mommy and Daddy!
Laura will be 4 months on Saturday, and I am so proud of my precocious little girl!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Re: Counseling - A response
I received a comment on my last post from a reader. I thought about responding in a comment, but then remembered what happened last night to help me decide to stop breastfeeding. No, I didn't just read an article and decide to throw in the towel.
Last night, I had absolutely no milk left. My breasts were sagging halfway to my knees. But it was bedtime, and Laura needed to eat. So I heated up some formula, put it in her favorite bottle with her favorite nipple, and carried both the bottle and Laura upstairs. We got situated on the chair in her room, and Laura started to eat.
She happily stared at me with her big blue eyes as she ate - something she's never done when I breastfeed her. Ever.
She ate the entire bottle without fussing or fidgeting - something she hasn't done when I breastfeed her in at least a month.
She fell asleep in my arms - something she hasn't done since she was three weeks old.
She was just so peaceful, and soft, and warm. And for once I could just enjoy her. I didn't have to worry about squeezing drop after drop of milk into her desperately sucking mouth. I could just hold her and watch as her chest rose and fell. And that is when I decided to quit breastfeeding.
The article I read today just helped me to feel a little better about my decision. And isn't that, ultimately, what the article was about? Making informed decisions? Thank you, Julia, for your comment and allowing me to relive the wonderful mommy moment I had last night. I hope you continue reading!
Last night, I had absolutely no milk left. My breasts were sagging halfway to my knees. But it was bedtime, and Laura needed to eat. So I heated up some formula, put it in her favorite bottle with her favorite nipple, and carried both the bottle and Laura upstairs. We got situated on the chair in her room, and Laura started to eat.
She happily stared at me with her big blue eyes as she ate - something she's never done when I breastfeed her. Ever.
She ate the entire bottle without fussing or fidgeting - something she hasn't done when I breastfeed her in at least a month.
She fell asleep in my arms - something she hasn't done since she was three weeks old.
She was just so peaceful, and soft, and warm. And for once I could just enjoy her. I didn't have to worry about squeezing drop after drop of milk into her desperately sucking mouth. I could just hold her and watch as her chest rose and fell. And that is when I decided to quit breastfeeding.
The article I read today just helped me to feel a little better about my decision. And isn't that, ultimately, what the article was about? Making informed decisions? Thank you, Julia, for your comment and allowing me to relive the wonderful mommy moment I had last night. I hope you continue reading!
Counseling
I had my first counseling session today. I liked the doctor, so that's a start. She mostly took some basic background information from me. She says that my irritability is a common sympton of PPD, and that we can work on some coping mechanisms to relieve the stress that's causing the irritability. I'll be seeing her once a week for a few weeks till we figure some other stuff out.
In the meantime, she sent me this article to read:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/
I think I'm quitting breastfeeding. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
In the meantime, she sent me this article to read:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/
I think I'm quitting breastfeeding. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
Re: Counseling - A response
I received a comment on my last post from a reader. I thought about responding in a comment, but then remembered what happened last night to help me decide to stop breastfeeding. No, I didn't just read an article and decide to throw in the towel.
Last night, I had absolutely no milk left. My breasts were sagging halfway to my knees. But it was bedtime, and Laura needed to eat. So I heated up some formula, put it in her favorite bottle with her favorite nipple, and carried both the bottle and Laura upstairs. We got situated on the chair in her room, and Laura started to eat.
She happily stared at me with her big blue eyes as she ate - something she's never done when I breastfeed her. Ever.
She ate the entire bottle without fussing or fidgeting - something she hasn't done when I breastfeed her in at least a month.
She fell asleep in my arms - something she hasn't done since she was three weeks old.
She was just so peaceful, and soft, and warm. And for once I could just enjoy her. I didn't have to worry about squeezing drop after drop of milk into her desperately sucking mouth. I could just hold her and watch as her chest rose and fell. And that is when I decided to quit breastfeeding.
The article I read today just helped me to feel a little better about my decision. And isn't that, ultimately, what the article was about? Making informed decisions? Thank you, Julia, for your comment and allowing me to relive the wonderful mommy moment I had last night. I hope you continue reading!
Last night, I had absolutely no milk left. My breasts were sagging halfway to my knees. But it was bedtime, and Laura needed to eat. So I heated up some formula, put it in her favorite bottle with her favorite nipple, and carried both the bottle and Laura upstairs. We got situated on the chair in her room, and Laura started to eat.
She happily stared at me with her big blue eyes as she ate - something she's never done when I breastfeed her. Ever.
She ate the entire bottle without fussing or fidgeting - something she hasn't done when I breastfeed her in at least a month.
She fell asleep in my arms - something she hasn't done since she was three weeks old.
She was just so peaceful, and soft, and warm. And for once I could just enjoy her. I didn't have to worry about squeezing drop after drop of milk into her desperately sucking mouth. I could just hold her and watch as her chest rose and fell. And that is when I decided to quit breastfeeding.
The article I read today just helped me to feel a little better about my decision. And isn't that, ultimately, what the article was about? Making informed decisions? Thank you, Julia, for your comment and allowing me to relive the wonderful mommy moment I had last night. I hope you continue reading!
Counseling
I had my first counseling session today. I liked the doctor, so that's a start. She mostly took some basic background information from me. She says that my irritability is a common sympton of PPD, and that we can work on some coping mechanisms to relieve the stress that's causing the irritability. I'll be seeing her once a week for a few weeks till we figure some other stuff out.
In the meantime, she sent me this article to read:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/
I think I'm quitting breastfeeding. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
In the meantime, she sent me this article to read:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/
I think I'm quitting breastfeeding. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Lost! (musings above, spoilers below)
Ok. So I want to discuss Lost. I have watched rather diligently for the last six years. It's hard to believe it's been six years... Six years ago, I was a senior in college, watching a plane crash onto a tropical island with my housemates. I had an awesome boyfriend who I wanted to marry, and had no clue where I'd work after I graduated.
In the time that Lost has been on the air, I've gotten my first job, gotten married, been promoted, started grad school, had a baby, and come within one class (5 more weeks, 9 more class days!) of getting my masters degree. That's a lot. I think about all that I've accomplished, and it's impressive. Also impressive that, with my short attention span, I've been able to mostly follow one TV show.
So what did I think of the ending? I'm still so lost! That show is so aptly named! I've been lost since the very first episode, and even with all the "answers" last night, still have no clue what's going on! Here's what I think happened:
[Spoiler Alert!!!]
Everyone is dead. But they didn’t all die at once, and they were alive on the island. It’s like… they were on the island together, knew they were important to each other, and wanted to spend eternity (heaven) together.
So they decided that after they died, and were in some sort of transitional world between our world and heaven, they would find each other again. Once they were all back together, they would move on to heaven together. I think. So we know how some of them died, but not all of them.
It's all rather Mormon, if you think about it. Going onto Heaven with loved ones... I dunno. But I guess it means that Faith and Destiny won out over Reason and Action.
There are still a lot of loose ends that I was hoping they'd clean up. Um, why was Walt so important with the summoning of animals and everything?! I guess some things we'll just never know...
In the time that Lost has been on the air, I've gotten my first job, gotten married, been promoted, started grad school, had a baby, and come within one class (5 more weeks, 9 more class days!) of getting my masters degree. That's a lot. I think about all that I've accomplished, and it's impressive. Also impressive that, with my short attention span, I've been able to mostly follow one TV show.
So what did I think of the ending? I'm still so lost! That show is so aptly named! I've been lost since the very first episode, and even with all the "answers" last night, still have no clue what's going on! Here's what I think happened:
[Spoiler Alert!!!]
Everyone is dead. But they didn’t all die at once, and they were alive on the island. It’s like… they were on the island together, knew they were important to each other, and wanted to spend eternity (heaven) together.
So they decided that after they died, and were in some sort of transitional world between our world and heaven, they would find each other again. Once they were all back together, they would move on to heaven together. I think. So we know how some of them died, but not all of them.
It's all rather Mormon, if you think about it. Going onto Heaven with loved ones... I dunno. But I guess it means that Faith and Destiny won out over Reason and Action.
There are still a lot of loose ends that I was hoping they'd clean up. Um, why was Walt so important with the summoning of animals and everything?! I guess some things we'll just never know...
Lost! (musings above, spoilers below)
Ok. So I want to discuss Lost. I have watched rather diligently for the last six years. It's hard to believe it's been six years... Six years ago, I was a senior in college, watching a plane crash onto a tropical island with my housemates. I had an awesome boyfriend who I wanted to marry, and had no clue where I'd work after I graduated.
In the time that Lost has been on the air, I've gotten my first job, gotten married, been promoted, started grad school, had a baby, and come within one class (5 more weeks, 9 more class days!) of getting my masters degree. That's a lot. I think about all that I've accomplished, and it's impressive. Also impressive that, with my short attention span, I've been able to mostly follow one TV show.
So what did I think of the ending? I'm still so lost! That show is so aptly named! I've been lost since the very first episode, and even with all the "answers" last night, still have no clue what's going on! Here's what I think happened:
[Spoiler Alert!!!]
Everyone is dead. But they didn’t all die at once, and they were alive on the island. It’s like… they were on the island together, knew they were important to each other, and wanted to spend eternity (heaven) together.
So they decided that after they died, and were in some sort of transitional world between our world and heaven, they would find each other again. Once they were all back together, they would move on to heaven together. I think. So we know how some of them died, but not all of them.
It's all rather Mormon, if you think about it. Going onto Heaven with loved ones... I dunno. But I guess it means that Faith and Destiny won out over Reason and Action.
There are still a lot of loose ends that I was hoping they'd clean up. Um, why was Walt so important with the summoning of animals and everything?! I guess some things we'll just never know...
In the time that Lost has been on the air, I've gotten my first job, gotten married, been promoted, started grad school, had a baby, and come within one class (5 more weeks, 9 more class days!) of getting my masters degree. That's a lot. I think about all that I've accomplished, and it's impressive. Also impressive that, with my short attention span, I've been able to mostly follow one TV show.
So what did I think of the ending? I'm still so lost! That show is so aptly named! I've been lost since the very first episode, and even with all the "answers" last night, still have no clue what's going on! Here's what I think happened:
[Spoiler Alert!!!]
Everyone is dead. But they didn’t all die at once, and they were alive on the island. It’s like… they were on the island together, knew they were important to each other, and wanted to spend eternity (heaven) together.
So they decided that after they died, and were in some sort of transitional world between our world and heaven, they would find each other again. Once they were all back together, they would move on to heaven together. I think. So we know how some of them died, but not all of them.
It's all rather Mormon, if you think about it. Going onto Heaven with loved ones... I dunno. But I guess it means that Faith and Destiny won out over Reason and Action.
There are still a lot of loose ends that I was hoping they'd clean up. Um, why was Walt so important with the summoning of animals and everything?! I guess some things we'll just never know...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wherein I test Hubby's extreme patience
I have been such a bitch all day. Really cranky, mean and snotty. I wish I could stop, but even "Thanks for getting McD's for breakfast (and surprising me with it)" came out bitchy!
I even had a timeout.
Maybe I'm mourning the last episode of Lost...
Maybe it's the cranky (gray and humid) weather we're enjoying...
Maybe it's the cold I still have after a round of amoxicillin and a few weeks of hot tea and cough syrup...
Just glad the weekend is almost over, and I can go back to my fake cheerful self at work tomorrow. Is it sad that I'd rather be at work than at home with my family? Very.
I even had a timeout.
Maybe I'm mourning the last episode of Lost...
Maybe it's the cranky (gray and humid) weather we're enjoying...
Maybe it's the cold I still have after a round of amoxicillin and a few weeks of hot tea and cough syrup...
Just glad the weekend is almost over, and I can go back to my fake cheerful self at work tomorrow. Is it sad that I'd rather be at work than at home with my family? Very.
Wherein I test Hubby's extreme patience
I have been such a bitch all day. Really cranky, mean and snotty. I wish I could stop, but even "Thanks for getting McD's for breakfast (and surprising me with it)" came out bitchy!
I even had a timeout.
Maybe I'm mourning the last episode of Lost...
Maybe it's the cranky (gray and humid) weather we're enjoying...
Maybe it's the cold I still have after a round of amoxicillin and a few weeks of hot tea and cough syrup...
Just glad the weekend is almost over, and I can go back to my fake cheerful self at work tomorrow. Is it sad that I'd rather be at work than at home with my family? Very.
I even had a timeout.
Maybe I'm mourning the last episode of Lost...
Maybe it's the cranky (gray and humid) weather we're enjoying...
Maybe it's the cold I still have after a round of amoxicillin and a few weeks of hot tea and cough syrup...
Just glad the weekend is almost over, and I can go back to my fake cheerful self at work tomorrow. Is it sad that I'd rather be at work than at home with my family? Very.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Wherein I remember that I do love my husband
I woke up cranky this morning. Real cranky. And I was in no mood to like my husband at all. I was not very nice to him. And he confronted me about it.
But rather than get into a big thing, with his feelings all hurt, he said, "I know you're going through a lot right now. And if not liking me helps, then I'm ok with it."
In the end, not liking Hubby makes me feel even worse, so I definitely need to work through everything. But the hour-long conversation we had about the PPD was really cathartic. We didn't solve anything. Hardly! But I remembered that I married my best friend, and that even if I don't like him very much right now, I still love him.
But rather than get into a big thing, with his feelings all hurt, he said, "I know you're going through a lot right now. And if not liking me helps, then I'm ok with it."
In the end, not liking Hubby makes me feel even worse, so I definitely need to work through everything. But the hour-long conversation we had about the PPD was really cathartic. We didn't solve anything. Hardly! But I remembered that I married my best friend, and that even if I don't like him very much right now, I still love him.
Wherein I remember that I do love my husband
I woke up cranky this morning. Real cranky. And I was in no mood to like my husband at all. I was not very nice to him. And he confronted me about it.
But rather than get into a big thing, with his feelings all hurt, he said, "I know you're going through a lot right now. And if not liking me helps, then I'm ok with it."
In the end, not liking Hubby makes me feel even worse, so I definitely need to work through everything. But the hour-long conversation we had about the PPD was really cathartic. We didn't solve anything. Hardly! But I remembered that I married my best friend, and that even if I don't like him very much right now, I still love him.
But rather than get into a big thing, with his feelings all hurt, he said, "I know you're going through a lot right now. And if not liking me helps, then I'm ok with it."
In the end, not liking Hubby makes me feel even worse, so I definitely need to work through everything. But the hour-long conversation we had about the PPD was really cathartic. We didn't solve anything. Hardly! But I remembered that I married my best friend, and that even if I don't like him very much right now, I still love him.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Grating on my nerves
The alarm in my cube area has been going off for almost an hour. Usually when the alarms go off, the PA comes on and tells us what to do. After 3 minutes, the PA never came on, so I called security to ask about it. "The alarms are going off?" Yeah, please stop them, thanks.
20 minutes later, they're still going off.
30 minutes. Still going.
40 minutes, I call again. "The alarms are going off?" OMG - YES! PLEASE STOP THEM! They just turned off. But seriously!
On the other hand, finding one of L's onesies in my work bag this morning totally cheered me up. And I've had Peter from Family Guy in my head all morning saying, "If I'm fat then Stewie's fat too, 'cause we wear the same size onesie."
20 minutes later, they're still going off.
30 minutes. Still going.
40 minutes, I call again. "The alarms are going off?" OMG - YES! PLEASE STOP THEM! They just turned off. But seriously!
On the other hand, finding one of L's onesies in my work bag this morning totally cheered me up. And I've had Peter from Family Guy in my head all morning saying, "If I'm fat then Stewie's fat too, 'cause we wear the same size onesie."
Grating on my nerves
The alarm in my cube area has been going off for almost an hour. Usually when the alarms go off, the PA comes on and tells us what to do. After 3 minutes, the PA never came on, so I called security to ask about it. "The alarms are going off?" Yeah, please stop them, thanks.
20 minutes later, they're still going off.
30 minutes. Still going.
40 minutes, I call again. "The alarms are going off?" OMG - YES! PLEASE STOP THEM! They just turned off. But seriously!
On the other hand, finding one of L's onesies in my work bag this morning totally cheered me up. And I've had Peter from Family Guy in my head all morning saying, "If I'm fat then Stewie's fat too, 'cause we wear the same size onesie."
20 minutes later, they're still going off.
30 minutes. Still going.
40 minutes, I call again. "The alarms are going off?" OMG - YES! PLEASE STOP THEM! They just turned off. But seriously!
On the other hand, finding one of L's onesies in my work bag this morning totally cheered me up. And I've had Peter from Family Guy in my head all morning saying, "If I'm fat then Stewie's fat too, 'cause we wear the same size onesie."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Doctors Galore
The good news:
My eyes are in great health, and Laura is in the 50th percentile across the board, at 13 pounds, 10 oz and 24" long!
The bed news:
Laura has been a trooper all day, but those shots finally caught up with her. She is passed out in her crib.
My doctor definitely thinks I have PPD, and has put me on Zoloft. She gave me the names of a few counselors to call. I guess I'll find time to squeeze counseling into life... I mean, I have to. I'm just feeling a *little* overwhelmed by work, school, and strict day care pick-up times.
But then again, all of that stuff is why I need to talk to someone. So I'll make the call. Hopefully, I can find someone near work, and I can schedule sessions during lunch. I'll start the Zoloft tomorrow (in case I have a bad reaction, I'll have the weekend to collect myself), and will let you know how that goes!
PS - I almost chickened out and didn't go... the list I've been keeping really helped!
My eyes are in great health, and Laura is in the 50th percentile across the board, at 13 pounds, 10 oz and 24" long!
The bed news:
Laura has been a trooper all day, but those shots finally caught up with her. She is passed out in her crib.
My doctor definitely thinks I have PPD, and has put me on Zoloft. She gave me the names of a few counselors to call. I guess I'll find time to squeeze counseling into life... I mean, I have to. I'm just feeling a *little* overwhelmed by work, school, and strict day care pick-up times.
But then again, all of that stuff is why I need to talk to someone. So I'll make the call. Hopefully, I can find someone near work, and I can schedule sessions during lunch. I'll start the Zoloft tomorrow (in case I have a bad reaction, I'll have the weekend to collect myself), and will let you know how that goes!
PS - I almost chickened out and didn't go... the list I've been keeping really helped!
Doctors Galore
The good news:
My eyes are in great health, and Laura is in the 50th percentile across the board, at 13 pounds, 10 oz and 24" long!
The bed news:
Laura has been a trooper all day, but those shots finally caught up with her. She is passed out in her crib.
My doctor definitely thinks I have PPD, and has put me on Zoloft. She gave me the names of a few counselors to call. I guess I'll find time to squeeze counseling into life... I mean, I have to. I'm just feeling a *little* overwhelmed by work, school, and strict day care pick-up times.
But then again, all of that stuff is why I need to talk to someone. So I'll make the call. Hopefully, I can find someone near work, and I can schedule sessions during lunch. I'll start the Zoloft tomorrow (in case I have a bad reaction, I'll have the weekend to collect myself), and will let you know how that goes!
PS - I almost chickened out and didn't go... the list I've been keeping really helped!
My eyes are in great health, and Laura is in the 50th percentile across the board, at 13 pounds, 10 oz and 24" long!
The bed news:
Laura has been a trooper all day, but those shots finally caught up with her. She is passed out in her crib.
My doctor definitely thinks I have PPD, and has put me on Zoloft. She gave me the names of a few counselors to call. I guess I'll find time to squeeze counseling into life... I mean, I have to. I'm just feeling a *little* overwhelmed by work, school, and strict day care pick-up times.
But then again, all of that stuff is why I need to talk to someone. So I'll make the call. Hopefully, I can find someone near work, and I can schedule sessions during lunch. I'll start the Zoloft tomorrow (in case I have a bad reaction, I'll have the weekend to collect myself), and will let you know how that goes!
PS - I almost chickened out and didn't go... the list I've been keeping really helped!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain
Laura loves the Itsy Bitsy Spider song. She's pretty cute to watch while "we" sing it. I can only imagine how cute it will be when she can actually sing along!
Unfortunately, when the sun came out and dried up all the rain, it also dried up my good mood. I'm back to feeling weepy again. Which isn't helped by the cough I just picked up, or that I just spilled my tea (extra hot, please!) all over myself for the third time this morning.
Unfortunately, when the sun came out and dried up all the rain, it also dried up my good mood. I'm back to feeling weepy again. Which isn't helped by the cough I just picked up, or that I just spilled my tea (extra hot, please!) all over myself for the third time this morning.
Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain
Laura loves the Itsy Bitsy Spider song. She's pretty cute to watch while "we" sing it. I can only imagine how cute it will be when she can actually sing along!
Unfortunately, when the sun came out and dried up all the rain, it also dried up my good mood. I'm back to feeling weepy again. Which isn't helped by the cough I just picked up, or that I just spilled my tea (extra hot, please!) all over myself for the third time this morning.
Unfortunately, when the sun came out and dried up all the rain, it also dried up my good mood. I'm back to feeling weepy again. Which isn't helped by the cough I just picked up, or that I just spilled my tea (extra hot, please!) all over myself for the third time this morning.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
It's hard to be cheerful when it's cold and rainy. Hello? Aren't we well into May? Why am I still wearing a coat to work??
On the other hand, this adorableness was in Laura's school bag for me!
On the other hand, this adorableness was in Laura's school bag for me!
Hard to be gloomy with such a cutie pie.
(Can you tell I'm having a pretty good week so far? Smiles help. A LOT.)
Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
It's hard to be cheerful when it's cold and rainy. Hello? Aren't we well into May? Why am I still wearing a coat to work??
On the other hand, this adorableness was in Laura's school bag for me!
On the other hand, this adorableness was in Laura's school bag for me!
Hard to be gloomy with such a cutie pie.
(Can you tell I'm having a pretty good week so far? Smiles help. A LOT.)
Monday, May 17, 2010
My favorite part of being a mom
And I'm dead serious here people.
I love sucking the snot out of Laura's nose. I just love it. I get the most preverse satisfaction out of slurping the boogers out of those cute little nostrils. It's such a satisfying feeling to see a big one come out! And I must be good at it too. I had Laura giggling her little head off with some good suctions earlier!
So I've added "de-snotting" to my list of things that make me feel happy around the baby. Can't wait to see the doctor's reaction to THAT on Thursday!
I love sucking the snot out of Laura's nose. I just love it. I get the most preverse satisfaction out of slurping the boogers out of those cute little nostrils. It's such a satisfying feeling to see a big one come out! And I must be good at it too. I had Laura giggling her little head off with some good suctions earlier!
So I've added "de-snotting" to my list of things that make me feel happy around the baby. Can't wait to see the doctor's reaction to THAT on Thursday!
My favorite part of being a mom
And I'm dead serious here people.
I love sucking the snot out of Laura's nose. I just love it. I get the most preverse satisfaction out of slurping the boogers out of those cute little nostrils. It's such a satisfying feeling to see a big one come out! And I must be good at it too. I had Laura giggling her little head off with some good suctions earlier!
So I've added "de-snotting" to my list of things that make me feel happy around the baby. Can't wait to see the doctor's reaction to THAT on Thursday!
I love sucking the snot out of Laura's nose. I just love it. I get the most preverse satisfaction out of slurping the boogers out of those cute little nostrils. It's such a satisfying feeling to see a big one come out! And I must be good at it too. I had Laura giggling her little head off with some good suctions earlier!
So I've added "de-snotting" to my list of things that make me feel happy around the baby. Can't wait to see the doctor's reaction to THAT on Thursday!
Wow
I don't think I've ever been as tired as I am this morning. It was a caffeinated coffee sort of a morning!
Wow
I don't think I've ever been as tired as I am this morning. It was a caffeinated coffee sort of a morning!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Little Update
Hi Friends!
I had a good weekend. I was surrounded by family - just when I needed it most. I got a little irritated with Hubby once or twice, but was able to keep my emotions in check. I was also able to rationally let him know that I was irritated, and to please be sensitive of what I've been going through.
He seems to keep forgetting that I'm trying to work through some difficult stuff. And it's hard for me to remind him, "Hun, remember that I'm feeling sensitive and that I need you to be on your sweetest behavior?" But my appointment is on Thursday, so only a few more days.
And I did feel really good this weekend. I only got a little overwhelmed this morning, when my family left and Hubby had to go to work. Just me and the Babe. Alone. And I started thinking, "OMG what am I supposed to do with her? Why won't she just sleep? Do I have to play with her?"
I did get myself to play with her. And you know what? It was fun. And it made me feel better. Those smiles are just so cute... Will smiles cure me? No. But will they help? Definitely.
I had a good weekend. I was surrounded by family - just when I needed it most. I got a little irritated with Hubby once or twice, but was able to keep my emotions in check. I was also able to rationally let him know that I was irritated, and to please be sensitive of what I've been going through.
He seems to keep forgetting that I'm trying to work through some difficult stuff. And it's hard for me to remind him, "Hun, remember that I'm feeling sensitive and that I need you to be on your sweetest behavior?" But my appointment is on Thursday, so only a few more days.
And I did feel really good this weekend. I only got a little overwhelmed this morning, when my family left and Hubby had to go to work. Just me and the Babe. Alone. And I started thinking, "OMG what am I supposed to do with her? Why won't she just sleep? Do I have to play with her?"
I did get myself to play with her. And you know what? It was fun. And it made me feel better. Those smiles are just so cute... Will smiles cure me? No. But will they help? Definitely.
Little Update
Hi Friends!
I had a good weekend. I was surrounded by family - just when I needed it most. I got a little irritated with Hubby once or twice, but was able to keep my emotions in check. I was also able to rationally let him know that I was irritated, and to please be sensitive of what I've been going through.
He seems to keep forgetting that I'm trying to work through some difficult stuff. And it's hard for me to remind him, "Hun, remember that I'm feeling sensitive and that I need you to be on your sweetest behavior?" But my appointment is on Thursday, so only a few more days.
And I did feel really good this weekend. I only got a little overwhelmed this morning, when my family left and Hubby had to go to work. Just me and the Babe. Alone. And I started thinking, "OMG what am I supposed to do with her? Why won't she just sleep? Do I have to play with her?"
I did get myself to play with her. And you know what? It was fun. And it made me feel better. Those smiles are just so cute... Will smiles cure me? No. But will they help? Definitely.
I had a good weekend. I was surrounded by family - just when I needed it most. I got a little irritated with Hubby once or twice, but was able to keep my emotions in check. I was also able to rationally let him know that I was irritated, and to please be sensitive of what I've been going through.
He seems to keep forgetting that I'm trying to work through some difficult stuff. And it's hard for me to remind him, "Hun, remember that I'm feeling sensitive and that I need you to be on your sweetest behavior?" But my appointment is on Thursday, so only a few more days.
And I did feel really good this weekend. I only got a little overwhelmed this morning, when my family left and Hubby had to go to work. Just me and the Babe. Alone. And I started thinking, "OMG what am I supposed to do with her? Why won't she just sleep? Do I have to play with her?"
I did get myself to play with her. And you know what? It was fun. And it made me feel better. Those smiles are just so cute... Will smiles cure me? No. But will they help? Definitely.
What's Up Doc?
Welp, when I got home from work Friday, Laura's runny nose had gotten so bad, it had backed up into her eyes. Her right eye was all oozy and swollen - she looked like she'd been in a fight! We made an appointment to see the pediatrician Saturday morning.
Laura was such a little flirt with the (very young) doctor! She was cooing and giggling - to hear her, you wouldn't have had a clue that she had such a bad sinus infection! After just one day of amoxicillin and medicated eye drops, Laura is a whole new baby.
And even yesterday, her eyes all goopy and gross, Laura was so well-behaved. She watched her mommy graduate with a Masters Degree - and was even invited into my department's group picture of all the graduates! After all, she did participate in four of my classes! Years from now, she'll be spouting out information on Early US Culture, as proof that babies really can hear in the womb.
Hubby, my parents and my sister took me out for a really fun dinner after the graduation ceremony. Crepes and wine! Laura is getting much better about drinking her formula, so formula it was yesterday.
As a sidenote, I went 12 hours without feeding her yesterday, and didn't feel a thing. I think my body is weaning itself. I'm so over it. I'll feed her when I can, and pop a bottle in her mouth when I can't. It's not worth worrying about anymore.
Laura was such a little flirt with the (very young) doctor! She was cooing and giggling - to hear her, you wouldn't have had a clue that she had such a bad sinus infection! After just one day of amoxicillin and medicated eye drops, Laura is a whole new baby.
And even yesterday, her eyes all goopy and gross, Laura was so well-behaved. She watched her mommy graduate with a Masters Degree - and was even invited into my department's group picture of all the graduates! After all, she did participate in four of my classes! Years from now, she'll be spouting out information on Early US Culture, as proof that babies really can hear in the womb.
Hubby, my parents and my sister took me out for a really fun dinner after the graduation ceremony. Crepes and wine! Laura is getting much better about drinking her formula, so formula it was yesterday.
As a sidenote, I went 12 hours without feeding her yesterday, and didn't feel a thing. I think my body is weaning itself. I'm so over it. I'll feed her when I can, and pop a bottle in her mouth when I can't. It's not worth worrying about anymore.
What's Up Doc?
Welp, when I got home from work Friday, Laura's runny nose had gotten so bad, it had backed up into her eyes. Her right eye was all oozy and swollen - she looked like she'd been in a fight! We made an appointment to see the pediatrician Saturday morning.
Laura was such a little flirt with the (very young) doctor! She was cooing and giggling - to hear her, you wouldn't have had a clue that she had such a bad sinus infection! After just one day of amoxicillin and medicated eye drops, Laura is a whole new baby.
And even yesterday, her eyes all goopy and gross, Laura was so well-behaved. She watched her mommy graduate with a Masters Degree - and was even invited into my department's group picture of all the graduates! After all, she did participate in four of my classes! Years from now, she'll be spouting out information on Early US Culture, as proof that babies really can hear in the womb.
Hubby, my parents and my sister took me out for a really fun dinner after the graduation ceremony. Crepes and wine! Laura is getting much better about drinking her formula, so formula it was yesterday.
As a sidenote, I went 12 hours without feeding her yesterday, and didn't feel a thing. I think my body is weaning itself. I'm so over it. I'll feed her when I can, and pop a bottle in her mouth when I can't. It's not worth worrying about anymore.
Laura was such a little flirt with the (very young) doctor! She was cooing and giggling - to hear her, you wouldn't have had a clue that she had such a bad sinus infection! After just one day of amoxicillin and medicated eye drops, Laura is a whole new baby.
And even yesterday, her eyes all goopy and gross, Laura was so well-behaved. She watched her mommy graduate with a Masters Degree - and was even invited into my department's group picture of all the graduates! After all, she did participate in four of my classes! Years from now, she'll be spouting out information on Early US Culture, as proof that babies really can hear in the womb.
Hubby, my parents and my sister took me out for a really fun dinner after the graduation ceremony. Crepes and wine! Laura is getting much better about drinking her formula, so formula it was yesterday.
As a sidenote, I went 12 hours without feeding her yesterday, and didn't feel a thing. I think my body is weaning itself. I'm so over it. I'll feed her when I can, and pop a bottle in her mouth when I can't. It's not worth worrying about anymore.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Off to a good start!
And I mean that in all seriousness. I have had a really good morning so far. Minus one run-in with a very bloody, very dead bird at the train station that had me hyperventilating. Saying that I don't do well with dead things is putting it lightly...
But other than the bird, here's why I love today so far!
But other than the bird, here's why I love today so far!
- Laura and I had a very successful breakfast today. She ate really well for a solid 10 minutes. Which might not sound like much to some of you BF'ers out there, but is huge for me. We've had trouble, um, connecting.
- I got some big smiles from Laura before I left. They were smiles just for me!
- I love my outfit! I feel thin in this outfit, and the colors are very flattering. I need to dress so confidently more often. I think my life would be a lot better. Note to self...
- Laura loved my outfit too, and was mesmerized by the pattern on my sweater. Very cute.
- I actually recognized Laura being cute! I wasn't just ticked off with life and ignoring her!
- When I noticed that the dogs (we have my MIL's little sheltie with us) had strewn garbage all over the kitchen, I just yelped up to Hubby and he came down immediately to clean it up. No harping on my part, and no delaying on his.
- My best commuter friend not only made the train this morning, he also brought Chick-Fil-A breakfast! Win!
- My parents are coming tonight!
- To celebrate my graduation from grad school tomorrow!
- And most of all, IT'S FRIDAY!!!!
Looking over this list, I have a lot in my life to be happy about every day. I just hope I can actually be happy about them more and more often.
Off to a good start!
And I mean that in all seriousness. I have had a really good morning so far. Minus one run-in with a very bloody, very dead bird at the train station that had me hyperventilating. Saying that I don't do well with dead things is putting it lightly...
But other than the bird, here's why I love today so far!
But other than the bird, here's why I love today so far!
- Laura and I had a very successful breakfast today. She ate really well for a solid 10 minutes. Which might not sound like much to some of you BF'ers out there, but is huge for me. We've had trouble, um, connecting.
- I got some big smiles from Laura before I left. They were smiles just for me!
- I love my outfit! I feel thin in this outfit, and the colors are very flattering. I need to dress so confidently more often. I think my life would be a lot better. Note to self...
- Laura loved my outfit too, and was mesmerized by the pattern on my sweater. Very cute.
- I actually recognized Laura being cute! I wasn't just ticked off with life and ignoring her!
- When I noticed that the dogs (we have my MIL's little sheltie with us) had strewn garbage all over the kitchen, I just yelped up to Hubby and he came down immediately to clean it up. No harping on my part, and no delaying on his.
- My best commuter friend not only made the train this morning, he also brought Chick-Fil-A breakfast! Win!
- My parents are coming tonight!
- To celebrate my graduation from grad school tomorrow!
- And most of all, IT'S FRIDAY!!!!
Looking over this list, I have a lot in my life to be happy about every day. I just hope I can actually be happy about them more and more often.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Lord Stanley
Dear Hubby,
I know you are very sad right now that the Penguins lost in game 7 to the Canadiens. As much as I love the Penguins, I have to admit I am relieved that our hockey season is over. I know you'll watch some more hockey here and there, but our lives will not revolve around the Pens game. We will not have to cancel plans with friends because "the Pens are on." I can watch the remaining episodes of Lost (wah!) on the big TV with the sound turned up. You might even pay a little attention to Laura, Girly and me. Maybe I won't have to repeat myself 8 times to ask you to change Laura's diaper (at the end of the period, of course). I would have liked to see another Stanley Cup win too, but my life has not ended because of last night's loss. If anything, I feel like I have a little bit of my life back.
Love, C
Dear Friends,
Thanks for all your supportive comments. I was a little up yesterday, but am back down today. I keep thinking "It'll get better when ___." But I'm not sure that's the case. Maybe it'll get better when I quit breastfeeding? But probably not.
Love, C
I know you are very sad right now that the Penguins lost in game 7 to the Canadiens. As much as I love the Penguins, I have to admit I am relieved that our hockey season is over. I know you'll watch some more hockey here and there, but our lives will not revolve around the Pens game. We will not have to cancel plans with friends because "the Pens are on." I can watch the remaining episodes of Lost (wah!) on the big TV with the sound turned up. You might even pay a little attention to Laura, Girly and me. Maybe I won't have to repeat myself 8 times to ask you to change Laura's diaper (at the end of the period, of course). I would have liked to see another Stanley Cup win too, but my life has not ended because of last night's loss. If anything, I feel like I have a little bit of my life back.
Love, C
Dear Friends,
Thanks for all your supportive comments. I was a little up yesterday, but am back down today. I keep thinking "It'll get better when ___." But I'm not sure that's the case. Maybe it'll get better when I quit breastfeeding? But probably not.
Love, C
Lord Stanley
Dear Hubby,
I know you are very sad right now that the Penguins lost in game 7 to the Canadiens. As much as I love the Penguins, I have to admit I am relieved that our hockey season is over. I know you'll watch some more hockey here and there, but our lives will not revolve around the Pens game. We will not have to cancel plans with friends because "the Pens are on." I can watch the remaining episodes of Lost (wah!) on the big TV with the sound turned up. You might even pay a little attention to Laura, Girly and me. Maybe I won't have to repeat myself 8 times to ask you to change Laura's diaper (at the end of the period, of course). I would have liked to see another Stanley Cup win too, but my life has not ended because of last night's loss. If anything, I feel like I have a little bit of my life back.
Love, C
Dear Friends,
Thanks for all your supportive comments. I was a little up yesterday, but am back down today. I keep thinking "It'll get better when ___." But I'm not sure that's the case. Maybe it'll get better when I quit breastfeeding? But probably not.
Love, C
I know you are very sad right now that the Penguins lost in game 7 to the Canadiens. As much as I love the Penguins, I have to admit I am relieved that our hockey season is over. I know you'll watch some more hockey here and there, but our lives will not revolve around the Pens game. We will not have to cancel plans with friends because "the Pens are on." I can watch the remaining episodes of Lost (wah!) on the big TV with the sound turned up. You might even pay a little attention to Laura, Girly and me. Maybe I won't have to repeat myself 8 times to ask you to change Laura's diaper (at the end of the period, of course). I would have liked to see another Stanley Cup win too, but my life has not ended because of last night's loss. If anything, I feel like I have a little bit of my life back.
Love, C
Dear Friends,
Thanks for all your supportive comments. I was a little up yesterday, but am back down today. I keep thinking "It'll get better when ___." But I'm not sure that's the case. Maybe it'll get better when I quit breastfeeding? But probably not.
Love, C
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Moms are the best
I was chatting with my mom last night, mostly about how adorable Laura is, and that she keeps waking up at 3:30am (shoot me!)... And then I took a deep breath and said,
I haven't been all that happy lately. Like since the baby was born.
She asked me to elaborate, which I did. I told her about Saturday, and how a few drinks made me feel normal again. And how scary it was to realize that I liked how I felt when I was drunk. And that I don't want to start drinking just to feel like myself.
Because needing alcohol - or any substance - is not healthy, and it's not who I am.
We had to end our conversation because LOST was on (OMFG - did you see it last night?! NUTS!). But I'm really glad I told my mom. She's been incredibly supportive, well, my whole life. But I've only recently started to acknowledge and take advantage of her support. I wasn't always the most open child, but I'm trying really hard now.
I haven't been all that happy lately. Like since the baby was born.
She asked me to elaborate, which I did. I told her about Saturday, and how a few drinks made me feel normal again. And how scary it was to realize that I liked how I felt when I was drunk. And that I don't want to start drinking just to feel like myself.
Because needing alcohol - or any substance - is not healthy, and it's not who I am.
We had to end our conversation because LOST was on (OMFG - did you see it last night?! NUTS!). But I'm really glad I told my mom. She's been incredibly supportive, well, my whole life. But I've only recently started to acknowledge and take advantage of her support. I wasn't always the most open child, but I'm trying really hard now.
Moms are the best
I was chatting with my mom last night, mostly about how adorable Laura is, and that she keeps waking up at 3:30am (shoot me!)... And then I took a deep breath and said,
I haven't been all that happy lately. Like since the baby was born.
She asked me to elaborate, which I did. I told her about Saturday, and how a few drinks made me feel normal again. And how scary it was to realize that I liked how I felt when I was drunk. And that I don't want to start drinking just to feel like myself.
Because needing alcohol - or any substance - is not healthy, and it's not who I am.
We had to end our conversation because LOST was on (OMFG - did you see it last night?! NUTS!). But I'm really glad I told my mom. She's been incredibly supportive, well, my whole life. But I've only recently started to acknowledge and take advantage of her support. I wasn't always the most open child, but I'm trying really hard now.
I haven't been all that happy lately. Like since the baby was born.
She asked me to elaborate, which I did. I told her about Saturday, and how a few drinks made me feel normal again. And how scary it was to realize that I liked how I felt when I was drunk. And that I don't want to start drinking just to feel like myself.
Because needing alcohol - or any substance - is not healthy, and it's not who I am.
We had to end our conversation because LOST was on (OMFG - did you see it last night?! NUTS!). But I'm really glad I told my mom. She's been incredibly supportive, well, my whole life. But I've only recently started to acknowledge and take advantage of her support. I wasn't always the most open child, but I'm trying really hard now.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I think I'm hooked
Twitter is crazy! It updates so constantly... and the replies and retweets... I have to admit, it's a bit overwhelming!
On the other hand, I figured out how to participate in a "chat" last night about PPD. There was a lot going on, and could be a bit hard to follow, but it was so nice to see such a supportive group out there over the interwebs.
I woke up this morning feeling even worse than I have the past few days. I started to feed Laura, but finally just plopped her down on the bed with Hubby and went off to take my shower. I just couldn't do it. I knew she'd had enough to get her to day care, where I knew she'd be fed again very soon. She was in perfectly good spirits, and didn't seem to notice. Hubby just scooped her up and got her dressed without saying a word.
Maybe I'm feeling worse because I called the doctor? Maybe I'm allowing myself to feel worse, because I finally admitted to myself that I'm not feeling good? I dunno... but I could really use a (third) donut and a good cry.
On the other hand, I figured out how to participate in a "chat" last night about PPD. There was a lot going on, and could be a bit hard to follow, but it was so nice to see such a supportive group out there over the interwebs.
I woke up this morning feeling even worse than I have the past few days. I started to feed Laura, but finally just plopped her down on the bed with Hubby and went off to take my shower. I just couldn't do it. I knew she'd had enough to get her to day care, where I knew she'd be fed again very soon. She was in perfectly good spirits, and didn't seem to notice. Hubby just scooped her up and got her dressed without saying a word.
Maybe I'm feeling worse because I called the doctor? Maybe I'm allowing myself to feel worse, because I finally admitted to myself that I'm not feeling good? I dunno... but I could really use a (third) donut and a good cry.
I think I'm hooked
Twitter is crazy! It updates so constantly... and the replies and retweets... I have to admit, it's a bit overwhelming!
On the other hand, I figured out how to participate in a "chat" last night about PPD. There was a lot going on, and could be a bit hard to follow, but it was so nice to see such a supportive group out there over the interwebs.
I woke up this morning feeling even worse than I have the past few days. I started to feed Laura, but finally just plopped her down on the bed with Hubby and went off to take my shower. I just couldn't do it. I knew she'd had enough to get her to day care, where I knew she'd be fed again very soon. She was in perfectly good spirits, and didn't seem to notice. Hubby just scooped her up and got her dressed without saying a word.
Maybe I'm feeling worse because I called the doctor? Maybe I'm allowing myself to feel worse, because I finally admitted to myself that I'm not feeling good? I dunno... but I could really use a (third) donut and a good cry.
On the other hand, I figured out how to participate in a "chat" last night about PPD. There was a lot going on, and could be a bit hard to follow, but it was so nice to see such a supportive group out there over the interwebs.
I woke up this morning feeling even worse than I have the past few days. I started to feed Laura, but finally just plopped her down on the bed with Hubby and went off to take my shower. I just couldn't do it. I knew she'd had enough to get her to day care, where I knew she'd be fed again very soon. She was in perfectly good spirits, and didn't seem to notice. Hubby just scooped her up and got her dressed without saying a word.
Maybe I'm feeling worse because I called the doctor? Maybe I'm allowing myself to feel worse, because I finally admitted to myself that I'm not feeling good? I dunno... but I could really use a (third) donut and a good cry.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Cheep! Cheep!
Can you hear me tweeting? I joined Twitter!
http://twitter.com/MrsMidAtlantic
I'm not sure how the thing works, but there are times I want to update things, but don't feel it's worth a whole new blog post. This morning, for example, I could have tweeted the phone call to the doctor's office. Instead, I limited myself to two blog posts.
We'll see how this works out. In the meantime, Please follow me!!
http://twitter.com/MrsMidAtlantic
I'm not sure how the thing works, but there are times I want to update things, but don't feel it's worth a whole new blog post. This morning, for example, I could have tweeted the phone call to the doctor's office. Instead, I limited myself to two blog posts.
We'll see how this works out. In the meantime, Please follow me!!
Cheep! Cheep!
Can you hear me tweeting? I joined Twitter!
http://twitter.com/MrsMidAtlantic
I'm not sure how the thing works, but there are times I want to update things, but don't feel it's worth a whole new blog post. This morning, for example, I could have tweeted the phone call to the doctor's office. Instead, I limited myself to two blog posts.
We'll see how this works out. In the meantime, Please follow me!!
http://twitter.com/MrsMidAtlantic
I'm not sure how the thing works, but there are times I want to update things, but don't feel it's worth a whole new blog post. This morning, for example, I could have tweeted the phone call to the doctor's office. Instead, I limited myself to two blog posts.
We'll see how this works out. In the meantime, Please follow me!!
I made the call
I'm relieved to say that the receptionist didn't ask me to go into detail. I just told her I'm concerned about my baby blues, and she fit me in. Unfortunately, all the doctors are booked this week, but I have an appointment next Thursday. Which works out really well anyway. Lulu has her 4 month check-up that morning, so I'll just take the day off!
So this week, I'm just going to keep brief notes of the weird feelings I have so I don't choke when I see the doctor. I don't want to gloss over my feelings...
So this week, I'm just going to keep brief notes of the weird feelings I have so I don't choke when I see the doctor. I don't want to gloss over my feelings...
I made the call
I'm relieved to say that the receptionist didn't ask me to go into detail. I just told her I'm concerned about my baby blues, and she fit me in. Unfortunately, all the doctors are booked this week, but I have an appointment next Thursday. Which works out really well anyway. Lulu has her 4 month check-up that morning, so I'll just take the day off!
So this week, I'm just going to keep brief notes of the weird feelings I have so I don't choke when I see the doctor. I don't want to gloss over my feelings...
So this week, I'm just going to keep brief notes of the weird feelings I have so I don't choke when I see the doctor. I don't want to gloss over my feelings...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
I think I'm in hell.
I'm crammed in the backseat of the car with Lulu in the middle and Hubby on the other side. My mother-in-law is driving with a dog on her lap. My father-in-law just turned the iPod to hip hop with the base way up.
And we still have two hours to go before we get to my brother-in-law's house for his college graduation.
And I have to hide my misery.
I think I'm in hell.
I'm crammed in the backseat of the car with Lulu in the middle and Hubby on the other side. My mother-in-law is driving with a dog on her lap. My father-in-law just turned the iPod to hip hop with the base way up.
And we still have two hours to go before we get to my brother-in-law's house for his college graduation.
And I have to hide my misery.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Excuses
I really want to start exercising again. Well, "again" is a loose term. I wasn't exactly committed to an exercise program before I was pregnant!
But back to my point. I want to start exercising. But how do moms do it?!
I am already getting up at 5:30 weekday mornings to get Lulu and myself ready for day care and school. So morning workouts are not going to happen. And I am so not a morning person anyway!
It's after 6:00 by the time Lulu and I get home, and she's off to bed by 7:30. I want to spend as much time with her as I can when she's awake.
So that leaves two options:
I can go to the gym at 8:00pm,
Or I can workout at home.
Do you have any suggestions for great at-home workout programs?! Please keep in mind, I lack motivation and follow-through. THANKS!
But back to my point. I want to start exercising. But how do moms do it?!
I am already getting up at 5:30 weekday mornings to get Lulu and myself ready for day care and school. So morning workouts are not going to happen. And I am so not a morning person anyway!
It's after 6:00 by the time Lulu and I get home, and she's off to bed by 7:30. I want to spend as much time with her as I can when she's awake.
So that leaves two options:
I can go to the gym at 8:00pm,
Or I can workout at home.
Do you have any suggestions for great at-home workout programs?! Please keep in mind, I lack motivation and follow-through. THANKS!
Excuses
I really want to start exercising again. Well, "again" is a loose term. I wasn't exactly committed to an exercise program before I was pregnant!
But back to my point. I want to start exercising. But how do moms do it?!
I am already getting up at 5:30 weekday mornings to get Lulu and myself ready for day care and school. So morning workouts are not going to happen. And I am so not a morning person anyway!
It's after 6:00 by the time Lulu and I get home, and she's off to bed by 7:30. I want to spend as much time with her as I can when she's awake.
So that leaves two options:
I can go to the gym at 8:00pm,
Or I can workout at home.
Do you have any suggestions for great at-home workout programs?! Please keep in mind, I lack motivation and follow-through. THANKS!
But back to my point. I want to start exercising. But how do moms do it?!
I am already getting up at 5:30 weekday mornings to get Lulu and myself ready for day care and school. So morning workouts are not going to happen. And I am so not a morning person anyway!
It's after 6:00 by the time Lulu and I get home, and she's off to bed by 7:30. I want to spend as much time with her as I can when she's awake.
So that leaves two options:
I can go to the gym at 8:00pm,
Or I can workout at home.
Do you have any suggestions for great at-home workout programs?! Please keep in mind, I lack motivation and follow-through. THANKS!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Let Down
Breastfeeding let down, that is!
Before Lulu was born, I took a breastfeeding class. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. The class was... ok. But how much can you learn about something before you can actually experience it? Anyway, in the class they told us that most women can feel their milk let down - the moment after the baby starts sucking when the milk actually starts flowing.
I've come to realize over the past three months that I am one of those few women who can't feel feel let down. I can hear a change in Lulu's sucking, and can sometimes even hear the milk squirting into her mouth. But I can't feel a damn thing. Sometimes, I even have trouble feeling Lulu's sucking. And I don't know why this never occurred to me before... but I think not being able to feel anything happening is a large part of why I hate breastfeeding.
That's right. I said it. I hate breastfeeding.
For the past three months, I have felt like a dairy cow. An on-demand factory. If my little calf isn't latched on, the farmer's new-fangled machine is going to town. I have never felt that bonded, emotional, lovey-dovey connection with my daughter when feeding her. And I totally resent my husband. This is a horrible way to live!
I finally got up the courage to tell Hubby how I've been feeling. Telling him that everything he does bothers me, and that sometimes I just can't stand him was really hard. But in the end, we both felt that I'm probably just pinning all my frustration with breastfeeding on him. And that I'm jealous that he doesn't have to be responsible for every feeding.
So all that said, we decided that I will keep breastfeeding Lulu for another three months, so she can get all her antibodies. And then I'm done. It's good for the baby, and I can recognize that. And I'll try again for a better outcome with baby #2 - in a few years!
Before Lulu was born, I took a breastfeeding class. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. The class was... ok. But how much can you learn about something before you can actually experience it? Anyway, in the class they told us that most women can feel their milk let down - the moment after the baby starts sucking when the milk actually starts flowing.
I've come to realize over the past three months that I am one of those few women who can't feel feel let down. I can hear a change in Lulu's sucking, and can sometimes even hear the milk squirting into her mouth. But I can't feel a damn thing. Sometimes, I even have trouble feeling Lulu's sucking. And I don't know why this never occurred to me before... but I think not being able to feel anything happening is a large part of why I hate breastfeeding.
That's right. I said it. I hate breastfeeding.
For the past three months, I have felt like a dairy cow. An on-demand factory. If my little calf isn't latched on, the farmer's new-fangled machine is going to town. I have never felt that bonded, emotional, lovey-dovey connection with my daughter when feeding her. And I totally resent my husband. This is a horrible way to live!
I finally got up the courage to tell Hubby how I've been feeling. Telling him that everything he does bothers me, and that sometimes I just can't stand him was really hard. But in the end, we both felt that I'm probably just pinning all my frustration with breastfeeding on him. And that I'm jealous that he doesn't have to be responsible for every feeding.
So all that said, we decided that I will keep breastfeeding Lulu for another three months, so she can get all her antibodies. And then I'm done. It's good for the baby, and I can recognize that. And I'll try again for a better outcome with baby #2 - in a few years!
Let Down
Breastfeeding let down, that is!
Before Lulu was born, I took a breastfeeding class. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. The class was... ok. But how much can you learn about something before you can actually experience it? Anyway, in the class they told us that most women can feel their milk let down - the moment after the baby starts sucking when the milk actually starts flowing.
I've come to realize over the past three months that I am one of those few women who can't feel feel let down. I can hear a change in Lulu's sucking, and can sometimes even hear the milk squirting into her mouth. But I can't feel a damn thing. Sometimes, I even have trouble feeling Lulu's sucking. And I don't know why this never occurred to me before... but I think not being able to feel anything happening is a large part of why I hate breastfeeding.
That's right. I said it. I hate breastfeeding.
For the past three months, I have felt like a dairy cow. An on-demand factory. If my little calf isn't latched on, the farmer's new-fangled machine is going to town. I have never felt that bonded, emotional, lovey-dovey connection with my daughter when feeding her. And I totally resent my husband. This is a horrible way to live!
I finally got up the courage to tell Hubby how I've been feeling. Telling him that everything he does bothers me, and that sometimes I just can't stand him was really hard. But in the end, we both felt that I'm probably just pinning all my frustration with breastfeeding on him. And that I'm jealous that he doesn't have to be responsible for every feeding.
So all that said, we decided that I will keep breastfeeding Lulu for another three months, so she can get all her antibodies. And then I'm done. It's good for the baby, and I can recognize that. And I'll try again for a better outcome with baby #2 - in a few years!
Before Lulu was born, I took a breastfeeding class. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. The class was... ok. But how much can you learn about something before you can actually experience it? Anyway, in the class they told us that most women can feel their milk let down - the moment after the baby starts sucking when the milk actually starts flowing.
I've come to realize over the past three months that I am one of those few women who can't feel feel let down. I can hear a change in Lulu's sucking, and can sometimes even hear the milk squirting into her mouth. But I can't feel a damn thing. Sometimes, I even have trouble feeling Lulu's sucking. And I don't know why this never occurred to me before... but I think not being able to feel anything happening is a large part of why I hate breastfeeding.
That's right. I said it. I hate breastfeeding.
For the past three months, I have felt like a dairy cow. An on-demand factory. If my little calf isn't latched on, the farmer's new-fangled machine is going to town. I have never felt that bonded, emotional, lovey-dovey connection with my daughter when feeding her. And I totally resent my husband. This is a horrible way to live!
I finally got up the courage to tell Hubby how I've been feeling. Telling him that everything he does bothers me, and that sometimes I just can't stand him was really hard. But in the end, we both felt that I'm probably just pinning all my frustration with breastfeeding on him. And that I'm jealous that he doesn't have to be responsible for every feeding.
So all that said, we decided that I will keep breastfeeding Lulu for another three months, so she can get all her antibodies. And then I'm done. It's good for the baby, and I can recognize that. And I'll try again for a better outcome with baby #2 - in a few years!
Monday, May 3, 2010
It's yucky out
Which is how I'm going to explain why leaving L at day care this morning was so much harder than any day last week.
We got to day care, got her crib made for the week, handed off the milk... L was even out of her carseat, being held by the teacher, and I just froze. I couldn't leave. I just stood there staring at L, waiting for something. I don't know what. A cue that it was time for me to leave? An omen to allow me to scoop L back up and head home?
Well, I eventually pulled myself together, kissed L's forehead, and drove to the train station. And now I'm at work, still wishing I was in bed with L and Hubby instead. I'd even consider letting Girly up on the bed!
We got to day care, got her crib made for the week, handed off the milk... L was even out of her carseat, being held by the teacher, and I just froze. I couldn't leave. I just stood there staring at L, waiting for something. I don't know what. A cue that it was time for me to leave? An omen to allow me to scoop L back up and head home?
Well, I eventually pulled myself together, kissed L's forehead, and drove to the train station. And now I'm at work, still wishing I was in bed with L and Hubby instead. I'd even consider letting Girly up on the bed!
It's yucky out
Which is how I'm going to explain why leaving L at day care this morning was so much harder than any day last week.
We got to day care, got her crib made for the week, handed off the milk... L was even out of her carseat, being held by the teacher, and I just froze. I couldn't leave. I just stood there staring at L, waiting for something. I don't know what. A cue that it was time for me to leave? An omen to allow me to scoop L back up and head home?
Well, I eventually pulled myself together, kissed L's forehead, and drove to the train station. And now I'm at work, still wishing I was in bed with L and Hubby instead. I'd even consider letting Girly up on the bed!
We got to day care, got her crib made for the week, handed off the milk... L was even out of her carseat, being held by the teacher, and I just froze. I couldn't leave. I just stood there staring at L, waiting for something. I don't know what. A cue that it was time for me to leave? An omen to allow me to scoop L back up and head home?
Well, I eventually pulled myself together, kissed L's forehead, and drove to the train station. And now I'm at work, still wishing I was in bed with L and Hubby instead. I'd even consider letting Girly up on the bed!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
