Friday, November 11, 2011

In all honesty

Last week was a hard week for me.  I felt disgusting, thank you bacterial infection.  I couldn't eat, thank you little baby.  I was stressed with work, and stressed with the work that faced me at home.  Laura and I were sick.  Then the dog was sick.  I wasn't very nice.  I yelled at Nate and snapped at Laura and Ries.  I wasn't very pleasant to be around.

This week was equally difficult.  I still felt disgusting.  I was still afraid of trying to plan dinner for all of us.  But I wasn't nearly as mean.  I was incredibly tired and sad, but not mean.  I managed to get through each day and to complete each task.

The difference between last week and this?  Honesty. 

This week I was honest with myself and with Nate about my feelings.  I told both of us that I'm having a hard time.  I don't feel good.  My stomach always hurts... and if it's not hurting I'm hungry and can't feed myself.  This week I gave myself more leeway to make decisions.  Laura and I ate mac and cheese, Stouffers, pasta.  And while none of these were great dinners, they were all quickly and easily prepared with little thought.

Because honestly?  I need to make things easier for myself.  I'm having a hard time getting simple things done.  Difficult tasks just aren't worth it.  I know I'll be feeling better again soon.  I just need to be honest that right now really sucks.  Right now I'm really tired.  Right now I'm really weepy.  Now that I've admitted that to myself, I can move on.