I had a birth plan with Laura. It involved laboring at home for a while, avoiding all drugs, holding my screaming baby on my chest the second she was born, and having my husband cut the umbilical cord.
None of that happened.
My work broke so forcefully and so... clammy... we went straight to L&D without a blink of an eye. I immediately accepted Stadol, waffled for a bit and then accepted Pitocin, tried to labor through the devil drug, and then begged for the epidural. Laura wasn't screaming when she was born, as she wasn't even breathing. I didn't hold her for a lifetime. Nate didn't cut her umbilical cord. I didn't cry happy, overwhelmed by love tears. I suffered for months after, unable to bond with my daughter until I finally gave up the guilt I felt over my "botched" birth plan.
At my 32 week check-up last Thursday, the doctor casually asked if I'd thought about a birth plan for Gavin. I laughed. What an easy question to answer! Of course I have a plan:
Give birth to a breathing, screaming baby. Preferably pink in color, rather than blue.
The doctor was taken aback by my response. I guess most moms don't have such a flippant response about their birth plans. But truly, I don't care how Gavin arrives in this world. I just want to hold him, all covered in gooey mess. That's all I want from this birth.
Yes, I would like to labor without drugs at home for a while. But since I'm Strep-B positive, I know I'll have to get to the hospital sooner, where I'll be immediately stuck with an IV.
Yes, I would love to avoid Pitocin at all costs. But since I'll already have the IV in place, I know the doctors will encourage it.
No, I will NOT attempt even one second of labor with Pitocin without first getting the epidural. I learned that lesson. That agonizing pain is not something I want to revisit.
Maybe my birth plan isn't "ideal" to some moms out there. I don't care. All I really want is to hold my baby and cry and sob and laugh while my husband cuts the umbilical cord. I just want to feel my heart surge with love as I hold my baby for the first time. That's my birth plan.
I am linking up with Pour Your Heart Out.