I knew a guy in high school who referred to Starbucks as "Starf*cks." Back then, I was a little horrified at his use of the F word in describing such a yummy place. But lately, that nickname seems fairly appropriate.
Imagine at table with two columns. One is labeled "Love" and the other "Hate." This table would fairly accurately described my feelings about a certain over-priced coffee establishment who shall remain nameless. Or not.
Let's take a look at the Love column:
+ Yummy drinks!
+ A personal challenge with the other customers to see who can have the longest drink name!
+ Seasonal lattes!
+ The word "latte!" Seriously, just say it. Feel the word "latte" roll off your tongue. It's yummy just to say!
+ The holiday cups are back!
+ They are everywhere! Including one location that is steps away from my train platform, and a mere yards away from my office. Can't beat convenience.
+ Somehow, they make these fancy drinks better than anyone else. Seriously, try a latte from Au Bon Pain. It won't even be as fun to order.
Ok. Now a look at the Hate column:
- Long lines. Because everyone and their mother wants to spend $5 on ONE drink.
- Ridiculous prices. Because everyone and their mother wants to spend $5 on ONE drink.
- Fat content. I've been really good about getting the skinny lattes (still love that word), but even then I don't need any of the calories!
- High rate of staff turnover. Just when I feel like the operations at my particular location are going smoothly, a new barista comes to town and messes everything up.
- The quality of a drink relies solely on the ability of the barista. And all baristas were not created equal. So you spend $5 on ONE drink, and cross your fingers that the person behind the counter is as enamored with the word "latte" as you are. LAAAAHH-TAY. Mmm...
My decaf grande soy caramel macchiato this morning was an utter disappointment, to say the least. And I had such high hopes! The line wasn't as ridiculous as usual this morning and the holiday cups were out! My plan of going to a less expensive place for a cup of tea flew out the window. I couldn't resist. I got up, ordered, paid, and stood to the right to await my drink. I waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally! My drink! I take a sip, waiting for that ahhhhh smile moment. And it never comes.
Instead, my poor, innocent tongue is met with an acrid, bitter taste. Burnt coffee, no caramel syrup. Just yuckiness. So I turned and asked for a re-do. I wait and wait and wait some more. The new drink is up. I take a sip, hoping for some semblance of drinkability. And am utterly disappointed again. And I've already complained on the company's website a few times.
So maybe it's time for me to find another morning beverage option. Will I go back to Starf*cks? Of course. The place has the ability to make me happy (see the "Love" column). I'll just wave a temporary goodbye to the gingerbread lattes while my taste buds recover.
