Where is the love?

I had a complete and utter meltdown last night.  My train broke down 100 yards outside the station.  We finally returned to the station for repairs, where I got off the train and sprinted to another train that would leave the station sooner than the repair of the original train.  The new train was packed - it is already a busy commuter train, before the addition of so many passengers from the broken train.  I stood the 40 minutes from the station to my stop, got off the train, and sprinted to my car.

I arrived at my car with just enough time to get to day care before their 6pm closing time.  But having to run to get my daughter made me feel pretty unsettled.  And as soon as I got in and started driving, I noticed a little yellow slip tucked under my windshield wiper - a ticket for an expired registration.  Which I thought I had paid.

Cue hyperventilation.  I was fine from the run - thank you to all of those mornings spent on a treadmill! - but the stress of the train and getting to day care with the ticket on top was just too much.  I was gasping and heaving for breath as I drove as fast as I could through the masses of commuters, left turns and traffic signals to get to my daughter.  I needed to compose myself - I couldn't let the teachers see me like that!  And I did.  Long enough to get Laura strapped into her carseat for the ride home.

And then I let the tears fall silently down my cheeks as I reflected on everything that had gotten me so worked up.  The train, the ticket, the day care deadline.  But also how tight money is these days.  And the laundry I need to do so I can pack for this weekend.  And how Nate hadn't answered his phone in time to get Laura for me.  And how there are dishes in the sink.  And dinner to be cooked.  And how on earth am I going to keep up all the housework I have done since the start of Lent after Easter dawns and my sacrifice is over?  And how I must have bitten off more than I can chew.

Laura and I got home and went upstairs to see Daddy.  I cried to Nate over everything that had gotten me so upset.  I told Nate how frustrated I was that he didn't answer his phone when I needed him.   I told him about the overdraft on my bank account, thanks for poor planning of checks written to daycare and my student loans.  I told him how hard it has been for me to cook dinner every (week) night and still keep up with everything else. 

And just as I wanted to get angry with everyone, as I sat crying on the bed,  Laura reached over to hug me.  Riesling bounded up the stairs to join the family.  Nate transferred money into my account, and told me that I'm doing a great job.

Just when I wanted to get angry and give up, my family swooped up to support me.  I didn't feel so alone.  I didn't feel so angry or frustrated.  I didn't feel so overwhelmed and exhausted.   I felt loved.